N is for Not Right

online datingIf you’ve missed any of my stories take a look in the categories section for A-Z Online Dating. Make sure you catch up on  Stallion Stan first here the next post on him is coming soon.

Sometimes the Situation Isn’t Right

The guy/woman isn’t right for you and you’re not right for them. Generally when this decision has been made by either you or the person you’re dating nothing can be done to change it.

If people have told you you’re not right for them, especially if you can’t see the point they’re making then you may be left wondering what the “real” reason for what’s going on is. You may try and change yourself so you can be what they want. I know I did.

But don’t, well, kind of don’t. No one is perfect and there should always be a little willing to reduce the arsehole parts of yourself or compromise and understand that some behaviours and habits are unnecessary when you’ve got an additional focus in your life.

If someone doesn’t want to continue dating you because you’re a bit tubby and they only date skinny potentials then they’re  not right one for you. Maybe they will only go on a third date if you always pay for everything, including the most expensive meals and presents. Yet they have no intention in treating you then stop and ditch! If you’re looking for long term and it’s starting like this then what’s it going to be like in two months or six months’ time? Respect goes both ways.

I Don’t Want to Destroy Someone

My aim when I was looking for a long term someone wasn’t to find any old person irrespective of how they treated me. I didn’t want to crush the soul of another person so we don’t have to be alone on Saturday night. I’m hoping that’s worked out, sometimes my boyfriend’s soul seems a bit crushed though…

Not right too shortThere might be other reasons that we couldn’t change if we wanted to. Between my friends we’ve heard a lot of these reasons; too tall, too short, too stupid, too religious, too easy, not experienced enough or worse no reason at all. We’re left making up our own reasons, which is never good.

Introducing Phil Dew

My story of such idiocy involved Phil Dew. Initially his dating tactics were pretty annoying. He’d message me repeatedly over several hours just to get one reply. It sounds a bit creepy in black and white but I realised early on it was for different reasons. Phil was pretty inexperienced and hadn’t learnt to play it cool. The man was filled with an enthusiasm he was desperate to share. Friends suggested I should ignore him and his weirdness but I couldn’t, there was something endearing about him.

Eventually he coaxed out my well-hidden silly side. It was time, care and support that I’d never experienced before.

Quickly I saw that although we lived ninety miles away with completely different backgrounds and experiences we had a lot in common. We constantly made each other laugh and seemed to have one of those freaky brain connections that meant we understood each other without explanation, even when no one else had a clue. Phil just had to mention a random character from an eighties film and I knew exactly who he was talking about and everything about the movie. We talked to each other all day every day and never ran out of conversation. If it wasn’t a voice message or text it was a random photo that left each other chuckling. We constantly tried to outdo each other in humour, although frequently he won. I’d never met anyone like him.

“The One”?

I’ve never believed in “the one” but for a millisecond I thought maybe true love did exist and I’d found mine. At the very least I’d found a friend for life in each other.

There were still moments where things went wrong. One day Phil texted me a photo of an event he was at. I pointed out the freaky looking woman at the edge of the picture. I thought Phil was joking when he said it was his mum.

He wasn’t.

There were also the nights he drunk called me but had to pause while he vomited in a bush before insisting that I tell him how much I liked him. This was usually followed by him oversharing with how much he fancied me. Even in these and many more awkward moments time spent speaking to him brought me a joy that I’d thought was impossible. I was nervously excited for our first date.

But before the date even happened Phil Dew told me that he couldn’t go through with it even though he liked me a lot. A long distance relationship wasn’t something he could do.

Not right cryingI was devastated

“We haven’t even given ourselves enough of a chance, we haven’t even met. It’s only an hour and a half drive, at the most,” I ranted to my housemate. But to Phil it was like we were on different continents.

I was too upset to speak to him but eventually he won me over.

Phil: I know you must hate me right now, I’m upset too.

Phil: The day isn’t right if I don’t get to hear from you.

So I came up with a new tactic. I thought eventually I could convince Phil he was wrong because he obviously liked me and we got on really well. Surely the distance couldn’t be that much of a problem? And so began one of the most clueless portions of my life.

To be continued…

Please tell me if you’ve been given a crap reason for being ditched and what your reaction was in the comments section or via my Facebook page or Twitter page. And if you want me to answer any questions in my blog please drop me a message.

United in Love Charity Anthology

New Release and It’s For Charity

When Lucy Felthouse sent out the submission call for this charity anthology I knew I had to be involved. It has been put together to benefit the British Red Cross’s UK Solidarity Fund.

United in Love charity anthologyMany fantastic authors have contributed to this anthology.  Each of the characters in the short stories are dealing with horrific and heartbreaking situations—loss, grief, war, divorce, dementia, disputes over land and more, but what they all have in common is that, with the help of love, of unity, they come through. It may not be all happily-ever-after—since life just doesn’t work that way—but positivity and solidarity shine through in each of the tales and will warm your heart.

Charity has and always will be a massive part of my life and being able to use my love of writing for the benefit of others was something I never thought possible. So please enjoy my story, Forget Me Not, and remember every penny will go to the British Red Cross’s Solidarity Fund.

Forget Me Not

My story, Forget Me Not, features  Sadie and her nana, Martha. Sadie’s heart is broken, she’s had to watch her close friend, her grandma, deteriorate day by day due to dementia. On the last night Martha goes wandering Sadie finds her being looked after by George, the only person that has brought light to her life over the last soul destroying months. But will this be the last time Sadie has reason to see him? Are her feelings more than just gratitude? And how will she cope without this light in her life?

You’ll have to read the story to find out but first enjoy an excerpt.


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An Excerpt

Forget Me Not charity anthology United in LoveIt was a declaration unlike any she’d heard before. “A date?” she said. “Isn’t that what this is?” He grinned in a wicked way that made her want to pull at his T-shirt and cover him in kisses. “Except, I need to check something before I’m willing to agree to anything.”

“Are we back to my balls again? Because I’m not used to whipping them out willy-nilly.”

She clasped a hand over her mouth to force her giggle back down. “No, you sod.” She launched herself at him, then planted a kiss on his lips.

What started as a soft meeting of mouths developed into a frenzied joining, their noses bumping haphazardly. George tilted his head to the side, bringing skilful calm to their kiss. As his tongue eased her lips apart she was aware of his hands, sliding slowly from the curve of her hips, up her body, finally coming to rest at the nape of her neck, tickling the sensitive hairs.

It wasn’t the perfect kiss—if such a thing existed—but the nervous caress of two people learning each other’s preferences. His tongue did an unusual dance in her mouth. Sadie pulled away and looked at him suspiciously.

“Sorry,” he said, his face creased with anxiety. “It’s been a while.”

There would be time to ask about his past. Sadie smiled her encouragement before dipping her head, nearing his mouth, but stopping short of letting the kiss take over. With a smile she recreated the move, grinning when he furrowed his brow and growled his frustration.

George’s fingers bunched in her blonde hair, pulling her against him so his lips could close in on hers.

Make a Date: the Good

Good Date?

In my last couple of posts I’ve talked about some bad date experiences but this one is different. Strap yourself in, it’s time you heard about Stallion Stan.

Stallion Stan

Stan was one of those guys where everything started off well. We chatted for a couple of day’s online then swapped numbers and continued our conversations via text. We spoke on the phone before we met, it was like talking with a friend instead of an awkward chat with a guy I’d never met. Stan had me in giggles and effortless smiles. The perfect version of funny and ridiculously cute, which happens to be my type.

flirt dateWhen the conversations got too sexual he’d rein them in but in an inquisitive and controlled way. He wanted to talk about fantasies and preferences but was also looking for something more long term than a bit of sexting fun.

We shared a lot of baggage before we met, which did a lot for bringing those fences down. Stan had some massive baggage, he was a former alcoholic, still living with his parents, his ex-girlfriend had cheated on him and he was struggling work wise due to his past. But he was nearing the career he’d been working towards. I was grateful for his honesty.

And I liked him.

We were both nervous before we met, wondering if when we stood in front of each other we’d find each other physically attractive. We’d got on really well so far.

Surely something had to go wrong?

The Day had Arrived

Finally the day of the date came. We were going to meet for lunch and see what would happen from there. Stan was adamant we’d spend all afternoon together, I was a little more reluctant, not making any promises in case I couldn’t keep them.

Nervous smiles were obvious when we first came face to face. My butterflies were already zipping around my belly. His third question was “What do you think about me?” Apparently he didn’t always get brilliant reactions. I couldn’t understand why. He was gorgeous. He reminded me of Chris Stark from the Scott Mills Show.

first date datesOur lunch was full of laughs and flirty, teasing smiles. Stan questioned if he had any competition for me and I couldn’t help but blush in response, no one had ever wanted to compete for me before.!

It turned out his prediction had been right about the date. After lunch we went for a semi-romantic stroll in the cold winter air, ending at a secluded stone line bandstand on the edge of a park.

That was the day I learnt I could happily kiss him for hours. Legs went numb, bottoms became as hard as the cold stone we sat on but the heat between us blazed.

It was the sort of kissing that erotic romances are based on.

Hands readily touched wherever they could get and on the whole they kept to the decent places. It was pretty cold for stripping in public which was probably for the best because we couldn’t get enough of each other. first date good dateOccasionally someone would walk near to our hiding spot and we’d break apart like horny teenagers caught making out behind the bike sheds. The afternoon we spent together in the park was filled with giggles, chatting, sweet yet lust filled kisses and stolen intimate touches.

It was a special date, a first date that made all the crap ones fade into insignificance.

Eventually we said our reluctant goodbyes. The date could have gone on for hours more. But I knew every kiss was giving me heady sensations and I might have problems being responsible for my actions.

I drove home joyous, touching my lips with my fingertips filled with fond memories and wondering what would happen next.


You’ll have to wonder what happened next, for now. As I said in a previous post first dates can become a game changer, making it hard to pick up your slovenly broken bodies and hearts and fake a smile every time you face a new one. But the good ones, the dates that leave you grinning as you try to sleep, make all the shit worthwhile and bring happiness and hope.

So don’t give up just yet. After all, as I was once told, you could be about to go on your “last first date”.

Please tell me your good, bad and ugly first date stories either in the comments section or via my Facebook page or Twitter page. And if you want me to answer any questions in my blog please drop me a message.

Symphony Amore: Erotic Stories of Love and Music

Symphony AmoreSymphony Amore, A New Anthology

In less than a week Symphony Amore will be released and I can’t wait. The anthology of erotic stories features my short story, Beautiful Destruction.

I am unnecessarily excited for a couple of reasons that I am willing to share. But you will have to come closer if you want to hear them. Are you ready?

  • I’ve never had a published story available in paperback, until now. That’s right you can buy Symphony Amore in paperback. See the buy links below.
  • It’s set in a club with a stunning DJ on a night where anything can happen.
  • My editor, who I don’t pay enough, said it was one of the best stories I’d written.
  • It’s my first lesbian tale. It’s not my last though, I was working on another one this morning.
  • I’m featured in several anthologies this year, this is the first to be released.

I wrote this story, which isn’t based on the exploits of my housemate who demanded to “proof” read it in case, because I love music and especially dancing in clubs. There is something erotic and heady about the mesmeric beats and mystery in the darkness of a club. I have memories from nights out, including being personally welcomed by the DJ when I walked into the club with the words, “You’re back! Will you come to my birthday party?” to the night I was motorboated by a stranger whose face I wouldn’t recognise if I saw it again.

But this story isn’t about my experiences it’s about Mila’s and what happens the night she hears her favourite song.

Will she be healed from the last six months of sadness?

Will she meet the creator of the song that has held huge significance in her life?

And what will happen when she comes face to face with the sexy yet mysterious DJ?

Symphony Amore

Find out More…

You’ll have to read the story to find out but first enjoy a teasing excerpt.

Symphony Amore is published by Sexy Little Pages and has been edited by the fantastic Jordan Monroe. The collection of nine stories, released on 19th September, features a broad spectrum of musicians from all sections of the orchestra and beyond. Immerse yourself in tale of conductors and concert-goers, romantic encounters and hard-hitting BDSM play, and embrace the diverse cast that you’ll meet.

Music truly is the universal language and these stories will give you hours of reading pleasure.

♥️ Buy now: Kindle or PaperbackSmashwords, or iTunes. ♥️

Teasing Excerpt

Occasionally, stringed instruments would raise their presence through the tune, demanding to be heard before being replaced by the punch of a drum. Each instrument garnered a different response and Mila felt herself bending seductively before bouncing to a climbing rhythm. In everything, her eyes never left the booth. She was performing before the musical creator, offering herself as a sacrifice to the DJ god.

Hands in the air, she gave all her body had left. Sweat dripped down her collarbone and beneath the silk of her grey t-shirt but it went ignored. Her thighs felt clammy beneath her leather skirt but it didn’t stop her writhing hips. Temporarily, she was conscious of a dampness higher than her thighs, covering her black thong, joining with the pulsating that manipulated her core. Nothing could satisfy this fire that burned inside her.

The strings rose once more and she realised she’d heard them before. It was one of the songs the string quartet had been asked to play at the wedding, the one they’d been tuning up for during the argument with Harriet.

Fuck, she needed to get out of there.

Make a Date: the Ugly

The Ugly Date

In the last post I told you about my almost date with Lazy Larry. I also shared some of my rules for dating. I promised a story about my ugly first date. Readers, let me tell you about Jimmy Jerkoff.

Jimmy Jerkoff

waiting dates dateI met Jimmy for a first date several years ago. I’d nervously travelled by train for forty minutes before arriving wide-eyed with nerves jangling at a chilly, unknown, train station. I waited for what felt like an age while men crossed my path, sadly none of them were him. As each hope lifted it was quickly dashed. Eventually I saw a face I recognised come round the glassy electric doors.

What did I think as I watched his eyes sweep from my face to my feet and back again? It didn’t really matter because before he even said a word a noise, similar to the one you make when you find your favourite chocolate brownie was taken by the person in the queue in front of you, left his mouth. It’s not the noise you make at the start of the date and especially not when you combine it with a face like a slapped arse. I’m no Miss Universe but I scrub up well when I have to.

The date got worse.

In hindsight I should have jumped back on the train. But maybe our chemistry would be obvious once we started chatting.

It wasn’t.

Instead of walking through town for a drink as per the original plan he took me to the nearest bar that was open, i.e. the one in the hotel down the road from the train station. He wasn’t trying to get lucky. He didn’t see the point in finding anything nicer.

Next came the moment we ordered, normally inconsequential on a date?

Not this time.

The look of confusion mixed with disgust that appeared on his face was a mystery to me until he explained, “I don’t understand why you’re ordering vodka and lemonade. Women are meant to drink wine.” How had I missed that all my life? I must have been sick the day at school when they talked about periods and how women were meant to drink wine!

When I went to buy our second drinks and he inferred I should buy wine I purchased another vodka and lemonade. Pissing the potential off on purpose is never the sign of a good date.

The rest of the date involved him spouting numerous opinions including one on something personal to me. He didn’t realise he’d offended me and I don’t think he would have cared.

Mistakes and dateTo top the evening off he ditched me outside the hotel, in a city strange to me, rather than walk me back to the dark station. It wasn’t far but the people hanging out nearby on my way back were still pretty scary. The best bit of the date was the croissant I bought from a friendly vendor on the way home. If you’re going to be a douche on a date at least check the other person is safe, especially when they made the effort to travel to you.

Okay, sounding bitter, moving on.

Why bother dating?

Dates can leave you frustrated and pissed off but they can also have you brushing your fingertips across your lips with happy recent memories as you grin all the way home.  Have I mentioned Stallion Stan?

Please tell me either in the comments section or via my Facebook page or Twitter page about your first dates; the good the bad and the ugly.  We’ve had the bad but look out for the next blog post when I share the story of one of the best first dates I’ve ever had.

One Year Anniversary

The Boyfriend Gets a Mention

I’ve blogged about past dates on and off for the last year but have always tried to refrain from mentioning my boyfriend.

But today I’m changing that.

Boyfriend kissFor one blog post only

Today is our year anniversary and that is a  big deal for us. I’d never had a proper boyfriend before him. He’d never had a relationship longer than a couple of months before me and neither of us are young enough for that to be “normal”. For the two years I was online dating he was the first guy to get beyond three dates. Every guy on my blog has a nickname. On the rare times I tweeted about him he was Snake Man.

These days I call him Banjo.


Tonight we’re recreating our first date, only this time we’re getting the bus together, going to the bar where I changed into my date shoes together and we’ll go back to mine together too.

Sometimes you read people’s relationship beginnings and they talk about an instant spark, a heady romance, how they were inseparable from the first hello.

It wasn’t like that with Banjo.

But before I get into that I’ll tell you about before our dinner date. Dating, especially online dating, can be soul destroying. You get hurt, jaded, confidence drops and sometimes you have to take a break – which never seems to last as long as you thought it would.

I’d been through it all but a year ago I was in a good place. I’d had my dating break and I knew that whatever happened it would be okay. I liked me again.

On the date we chatted and he was nice but there was no major spark. But there was no reason not to meet again either. In the past I would have said after one, maybe two dates, if it wasn’t setting me alight then it wasn’t worth continuing but I gave him a chance.

He asked me out again.

Second date. The bad date.

I wanted him to give me those accidental touches that made me feel something. None of that. In fact, during the date, he took me to a cookware shop because he needed a new oven dish!

I joke now that I got a better response from the cute stranger who passed me at the end of the date than I did from Banjo. But it’s no joke. He seemed to have no attraction to me and I walked back to my car disheartened.

Had Banjo texted me that day asking me out again it would have been a no. But he didn’t. He sent me general texts and being polite I replied. When he asked me out for a third date two days later I couldn’t say no, I’d texted myself into a corner.

The third date happened and still no spark but there was still no reason not to date. As it happens he was feeling the same. The best thing about that date was I caught my first Pikachu on the way home.

Fourth Date

I have no reason why we went on a fourth date, except he asked me. I wanted to do something different and he was on board. We started with pudding then went to a comedy show, then went out for poppadoms.

This date changed everything for him. Suddenly he felt that spark. He put his arm around me during the comedy show and I felt something but I wasn’t sure it was enough. But it wasn’t enough to stop dating either. I’d never given any guy this many chances.

I remember that my friends, family and even twitter were crucial for me in those days. I was regularly expressing my confusion and getting a variety of advice back. Thank you to all who listened to my ramblings during this time. I owe you.

Date 4.5 happened. I was writing in a coffee shop and he asked if he could join me for half an hour. He was keen but I was still struggling with mixed feelings.

Date Five

It was suddenly upon us and it was during this date that I decided I had to tell him it wasn’t working. During the date he said he didn’t like to be teased. I love to be teased. Clearly we weren’t right for each other.

He was lovely and caring but I couldn’t keep this endless round of dates going. It was time to say goodbye.

In the car, outside my house, we talked for an hour. I explained how I felt and for the first time I saw a very different Banjo. He was funny, sexy and relaxed. The tension had gone. The Banjo in front of me was a guy I’d be happy to get to know better.

And so I did.

Within a fortnight he’d cooked me a roast – that’s a big deal for someone who never saw her dad cook for her mum! I stayed over at his house because he wanted me there and I didn’t want to go home. He even gave me my own toothbrush head!

He met my best friend. We spent my birthday together, we took our first selfie. He tolerated me shouting the pisstake “relationship goals” at him at random opportunities.

BoyfriendBut also I’d never been in a relationship before and I was terrified. We worked through it and all the other issues. Life has moved on and somehow we’ve made it to a year.

Banjo isn’t my obvious type but he’s not the opposite of it either. He’s the man I want to be with and he has something that I always said I needed in a guy but never believed I’d find.

He’s patient.

I can be annoying, grumpy, hard work and exhausting. I also think I’m funny as f***. He puts up with everything and he revels in it too, albeit with a bit of a sigh at times.

Is he perfect? Hell no. Am I? Ummmm.

He even puts up with my incessant need to spank him on the bum whenever he bends even slightly. A “No,” might roar from his mouth, between chuckles, as he quickly tries to get from under his desk because he’s heard my footsteps sprinting across the wooden floor.

We’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve learnt what a relationship means to us. At the moment we’re debating moving in together. In some ways it’s a no-brainer but we’re also protective of our space. I believe it will happen before the end of the year but who knows? We may not be together in a year, I’m clueless about this stuff.

What has this relationship taught me?

That a lot of what happens in the dating world is luck. I know we’d never have met each other in real life. At any point we could have said in our early days of dating that it wasn’t working. And if I’d met him three years earlier I probably would have given up before 4/5 dates. When it comes to dating we can be quick to find the faults and not the good points, even in a profile.

Love dating boyfriendThere are no hard and fast rules in dating. Every situation is different. I’m glad we gave each other a chance when not many had given either of us chances before. I got lucky and so did he.

Honestly, I never expected to find a boyfriend that I liked. I went on a lot of dates but I’m genuinely surprised I ended up with someone. I got lucky.

Sorry if you found this post soppy, annoying or a waste of time.

But for once I wanted to talk about my boyfriend Banjo. If you want to share your own dating stories or thoughts then you can do it via the comments section or via my Facebook page or Twitter page.

M is for Make a Date: The Bad

The First Date

The first date can be a game changer. I was once asked by a potential if I was ready to go on the last “first date I’d ever go on”. Sadly it wasn’t my last first date, it was just my first and last date with him. At times I’ve longed not to have to go on any first dates again but they’re not all bad.

My Rules

The first decision you need to make is when do you ask or when do you agree to go on one. One of my rules (note I say my rules, I’m not saying it has to be your rule) is to chat for a week via text and speak on the phone at least once before the date. The phone call is partly to make me less nervous and in the case of Horny Harry it made him a bit more relaxed too. It also gave me the opportunity of talking him out of wearing a suit and tie on our first date!

Dick pic dateThe texting “rule” is more about filtering out the guys with I have nothing to talk about with after a couple of days. Again it helps me reduce the anxiousness and I can trust them a little bit more. For me texting is about using my instincts to work out if they’re freaky weird like Dipstick Dan. There’s another reason, you might end up thinking I’m a weird one after this but then if you hadn’t realised that yet then you need to work on your own instincts.

I think that if a guy can’t text for a week on and off (not every hour) then he’s probably not that fussed. Some may think it’s a bit of a controversial plan. But this is a rule for me because I know me quite well and it has worked for me.

However if you’ve been texting for a couple of months and haven’t met then I’d cut your losses. If you haven’t met by then for any really good reason, like they’ve been recovering from malaria, then move on, it’s never going to happen.

Lazy Larry

One guy I texted back and forth with finally asked me out on a date after three months. I’m not sure why the contact had continued for that long, boredom and loneliness were probably factors. Lazy Larry finally asked me out when he found out I wrote erotic fiction and saw a photo of me in sexy fancy dress. Apparently that was the “perfect combination”.

We were due to go on our first date the next weekend. On the day of the date he texted me.

Larry: I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it tonight as I’m really hungover after a crazy night out. I want you to see me at my best and this isn’t it. Can we postpone?

So we did but when that day arrived, four hours before we were due to meet, he texted me again.

Larry: I’ve only just got home from work and I don’t think I can make it on time to meet you.

Lazy Larry lived less than thirty minutes’ drive away. What was going to take him four hours? Had he changed his mind about dating me? I’ve no idea because even though he told me to text him and let him know when I was next free I didn’t bother. I didn’t hear from him again. One excuse I can live with and the work one had been fine if I’d understood why four hours wasn’t long enough to get ready and come to town. But when combined with the hangover excuse I couldn’t muster the excitement to meet him.

What do you like to do on a first date?

Everyone has their own idea for what makes a good first “blind” date. One piece of advice is don’t bother with the cinema. Talking be impossible. And if you get nervous being in enclosed dark rooms then not being able to see more than your date’s knee out of the corner of your eye isn’t going to help. Go for a drink and if it goes well maybe stay for dinner and even a walk.

crazy golf dateI like an activity on a first or second date. For you dirty minded readers I’m not talking sexy time activities. On first dates I’ve played laser quest and crazy golf followed by drinks. It eased tension when we chatted later, led to some laughs and revealed a lot about my date’s competitive nature. And if nothing else came of the date at least we had some fun.

Maybe you lean to something else for a first date, try suggesting it to your potential. It might open up a lot of possibilities.

Please tell me either in the comments section or via my Facebook page or Twitter page about your first dates; the good the bad and the ugly.  For me Lazy Larry was a bad date but next week I tell you about the ugly date. I’ve named him Jimmy Jerkoff. The good is still to come though.


L is for League System and System of Three, part 2

The System of Three Explained

In my last post I shared my meeting with Bratwurst Brad and asked you how many potentials do you talk to and what is the optimum amount. Brad had a theory for this, it was the system of three. In this system you should only be chatting to three potentials at one time.

There was a bit more to his theory. If your talking to three people, exactly how do you see them? Do you have them in an order of preference?

Potential 1 – As I like to call them, the champagne

dating systemThis is the one you really like. If they asked you out you’d probably drop everything. It’s likely they’re the potential you think about the most and the one you really want to get a rush on with and date.

Potential 2 – Sparkling Wine

They’re not your favourite but you like them and if they asked you’d go on a date with them, unless Champagne asked first.

Potential 3 – Fizzy Grape Juice

You like them but they’re someone you’re happy to pass the time with. If Champagne suddenly became available then you’d ditch the juice immediately.

Brad shared with me a story about his friend, Hank the Monkey, who found himself at a potential’s house for a date one night. It was a bit last minute but that was okay with him and she looked stunning. It was a sexy but demure dress that covered her curvy figure, the sort of outfit a woman might wear on a special night out. The hair and makeup suggested she was going to the Ritz for dinner not a night in. sexy league dress, systemHer kids were away overnight too. But she hadn’t done all this for Hank. Her Champagne had cancelled so she invited Sparkling Wine round instead, maybe even Grape Juice. Hank didn’t know where he fell in her system of three.

As Brad told me this story and passionately spoke of the system of three I was left with two thoughts:

  • Brad was definitely not my champagne

  • What did I rank as for Brad? Was I his grape juice?

In the end it didn’t matter because nothing came of us and a month later I met champagne, aka Mr Fumble.

Do you believe in leagues?

The system of three was very relevant to my online dating for a while. As is the league system. I genuinely believe that when it comes to dating and attraction some men are above me league wise and some below. Online dating, for me, has sadly been affected by this belief. I say sadly because I have spent too much time thinking about it. I’ve ignored the person behind the label I’ve given them.

A while ago I dated a guy who I arrogantly thought was lower than me in the league system except he wasn’t. This guy was wonderful and it made me realise that too often I may have missed out on one of the good ones because I was too busy making preconceptions.

league, leagues, different, geekyLeagues can be affected by lots of things including looks, body shape, experience (too much or too little), sense of humour, geekiness, sports prowess, boobs, penis size, shyness, if they have kids, age, teeth (some people have major teeth issues), and so much more.

So how do I summarise all of this for online dating and potentials? Ignore the league system and chat to who you like. Take a chance on someone for more than just their profile picture or how they match your tick boxes. You may find your champagne when you least expect it.

Do you believe in leagues or dating theories? Tell me what you think either in the comments section or via my Facebook page or Twitter page.

L is for League System and System of Three

Bratwurst Brad and His League System

dick pic, leaguesEarly on in my dating adventures I met Bratwurst Brad. He was nice enough, although a bit cocky for me, he seemed to strut around like a peacock on parade. On our first date I broke a lot of my “rules”. There are things I make sure I do or don’t do in order to keep safe but on this occasion I failed miserably. Thankfully I was lucky and didn’t get hurt. Our Saturday afternoon date was a one off due to the lack of spark. I doubt I was experienced enough for him and I needed someone who was more open and caring.

I can’t remember details about his family or even his whole name. However, something he shared about leagues lingered in my head significantly longer than he did. Brad shared with me the league system of three.

The idea of this system was that every person online dating should only focus their efforts on three people at a time and no more than these three. That makes sense to me for various reasons.

How many potentials are you chatting to?

Firstly the more prospective dates you talk to at once the more complicated it gets. If you want to see if someone is what you’re looking for and a person you might want to go on a date with then you need to get to know them and give them some of your time. It’s like you’re juggling, sooner or later your balls are going to drop. In the long run you might have lost an important person because you were too busy with lots of people that you’ve forgotten about already.

LeagueCompare it to standing in a bar. Over an hour you talk to fifteen different potentials. You can’t give them each enough time to make an impact or make an impact yourself. You’re barely going to remember their name let alone their hobbies, what they might do for work and what makes them tick. A spark can be instant but good foundations with dating involve getting to know someone properly and giving them time and respect.

Online dating shouldn’t be a competition. Sometimes it might feel like the person you’re speaking to has a collection of potentials lined up like puppies at a rescue home and you’re desperately trying to stand out and be the one they want to keep. You might say dirtier things than you’re comfortable with, send naked photos because you think you need to in order to keep their interest or even pretend to like mountain biking just to be the chosen one. It can be easy to forget the whole reason you started in the first place.

Sit and think why you’re doing it. Go on, do it right now, sit and think. Put your phone down, rub your hipster beard or pink hair meaningfully and let your brain work.

Why did you start the online dating experience?

If you’re dating to find someone to spend time with, maybe have a relationship and long term future with then consider the potentials you’ve been chatting with recently. Why are you chatting to them still? Was it because they made you laugh, you felt a connection or you had things in common?

Or was it because they have ripped abs or a nice pair of tits. Maybe they charmed you with great compliments, made you feel horny or special.

If we’re looking for long term then we should spend time getting to know someone, find out if we have things in common or if we’re compatible. Sex is definitely part of it but it isn’t the only factor.

Sexy online datingUnless you’re looking for casual sex, a fling or a one night stand. In those situations look for a Trousersnake Jake or Blow job Bertha. Just remember why you’re doing it and don’t get drawn into a competition. The other person isn’t worth it if that’s how easy it is to draw them with something shiny.

So why not just talk to one potential at a time rather than two or three?

Partly to keep a couple of options open and not get so fixed on one person being the one that you build them up to be something they’re not. Also because there are weirdos out there and it can take a week of texting to realise it. For me, that was Ginger Tom. At first he was such a flirt, in a good way. Cheeky and funny and enjoyable to chat to but within a week he was spouting politics at me and judging me for any opinion I dared share.

Some people you don’t match with and that’s okay. We don’t have to be compatible with everyone. However, we should give them a chance for so we can find that out before we make the decision.

But for me, when I’ve found someone I really click with they quickly become the only person I want to speak to. Then the hope comes, foolishly wondering if I’m the only person they’re speaking to. It’s at that point my housemate usually tells me to shut up. Online dating is hard work for all involved.

Check back next week to find out more about Bratwurst Brad and his league theory.  if you’ve missed any of the previous posts from my A-Z of Online Dating, click on “Select Category” in the right-hand column and select “A-Z Online Dating.”

Don’t forget to post here or via my Facebook page or Twitter page about your own dating experiences.

K is for Kissing, part 2. Nightmare dating stories

In my previous post I talked about a couple of my awkward first kiss stories. I mentioned a particular first bad date with Dirty Don. For some inexplicable reason we had a second date…

kissIn many ways we recreated our first date; flirting over dinner, smiles, the same connection that we’d had before. And at the end of the second date, I hear you ask? You’re shaking your head aren’t you, you didn’t ask it at all. I’m still telling you. I’d like to be able to say that we had an amazing kiss that tingled all the way through my body and even had my toes dancing. But no, sadly there was no lustful bum grabbing or tongue action. We said goodbye, he went and got cat food and I accidentally got the wrong bus home, remembering how he once told me he’d had sex on a disused bus.

For me, when the most exciting part of the date is having to walk, lost, through a random tall grassed field in date heels then you’ve got to cut your losses. Maybe it was the lack of spark, maybe I wasn’t his type or I wasn’t giving off the right signals but my dates with Dirty Don were done.

I do embarrassing stuff too….

The most embarrassing thing I’ve done, which was when I was still learning to kiss, was try and lick a guy’s face. I say try… Confession time, I did actually lick all the way up the side of his cheek. I had no idea what possessed me other than I thought he might find it a turn on. He didn’t. It was really weird and I never did it again. Oh the shame.

Kissing can lead to some of the most soul crushing moments. Online dating as a whole lends itself to a wealth of those situations where you long for an earth destroying meteor.

“Please let the ground swallow me right now,” has been a phrase whispered in desperate longing around the world on multiple occasions.

For me it was on a first date after I watched the guy put ketchup on his chips. Nothing seemed to be coming out of the bottle for him so I took the bottle from his hands and tried to get some ketchup out for him.

What the hell?

I wasn’t his mum or his carer. Again the shame was nearly too much. Thankfully it became an in-joke between us for several months.

One bad first date

Not all the incidents are my own making. One date with a guy I fondly call Creepy Craig started with him slamming his ex-wife in vehement fashion. But I let it pass, after all, everyone has their baggage. But then it got a little more awkward, he kept trying to bring the conversation onto the topic of spanking. The guy was a like a magician, I don’t know how he was able to bring the conversation back to it every time. As the date continued I realised, for many reasons, he wasn’t the guy for me but then I did something very, very bad. I started checking out other guys in the restaurant and I’m pretty sure he caught me.

bad date selfieEventually the date came to an end. I was so close to freedom that I let my guard down. Bad mistake. I turned, hearing him say something, and found that he had his phone in hand, outstretched and pointed in my direction. It could have been worse, it could have been his cock, but then I realised too late what he’d said.

“Can I take your photo?”

Had I been more confident or not ridiculously polite I would have asked why or even told him to look at my profile but instead in my silence I agreed. It was painfully awkward. It could have made sense if I was a selfie queen but for me it was weird. As you can imagine there was no end of date kiss.

Thankfully I’m not the only one with hideous date stories.

Who Does That?

Winifred told me about her experience. One I’m relieved I never went through. Picture the scene, you’re planning what to wear for your date. It’s a relaxed Sunday lunch in the country, it may involve a little walk but more likely just a dinner in a pub. So what do you pick? Jeans, shoes, maybe a shirt or jumper? Not if you’re the guy who went on a date with Winifred. Ambling down the road in her jeans and a nice top she looked up and saw in front of her a man holding a huge bouquet of flowers, a box of milk tray and wearing a tux. A bloody tux! Who does that for a first date in a country pub for Sunday lunch? This guy did.

tux bad dateBeing the epitome of politeness and feeling a bit sorry for him she continued the date. The amused faces and awkward stares of the other people in the pub didn’t make for a dream moment in her life but she held strong. Dropping him home she wondered if she should share some first date rules. Suddenly it went from a thought to a necessity, although maybe via text when she got home. The dude invited her into his house to meet his kids and the babysitter, who happened to be his ex-wife.

Best worst first date ever?

Teacher Time

It ties for first with this one. My friend Earnest is a teacher. Loves his job and is proud to tell people what he does. Why not? It turns out that some people can get carried away with this knowledge.

kiss, role play, bad dateEarnest turned up on his date at a woman’s house. He didn’t think anything of picking her up on the first date from her home until she opened the door in a school girl outfit. The one saving grace was that she was a grown woman and not underage. But it wasn’t quite what he was hoping for. He’s a horny bastard at the best of times but this wasn’t what he was after, he was looking for romance not a casual shag, at least that’s how he told it to me. So instead of staying for a bit of teacher student role play on his first date he ran as fast as his romantic heart would let him.

So what do we take from this? Kissing can be great, dates can go horribly wrong. If we learn from our mistakes and those of others then hopefully it will be okay and if not it will probably still be funny for someone

I look forward to reading your own kissing stories, either here in the comments sections, or via my Facebook page or Twitter page.