Dreams can come true

This week I achieved one of my dreams. It’s one I’ve had since I was 6 years old.

When I was younger there was a national four day farming type show near where we lived. Every year they would attempt to send up hot air balloons. If we were lucky, and the wind was blowing the right way, we’d see the balloons, sometimes they’d even go over our house. I would wait for hours outside my house each night in case I got the chance to see these balloons.

Being young and not so full of wisdom I thought these trips would only be for professionals and that normal people would never go in a hot air balloon. Although I hoped it might be different at the time I never imagined that one day I might have the opportunity to go in one myself.

hot air balloon burnerBut dreams can and do come true.

And this week they did.

As the basket lifted and drifted into the sky I confess I got quite teary. But they were happy tears. Yes, you have strangers chatting and the burner going occasionally but if you can ignore that then you are in your own world in the blue of the sky. No one can get to you, no work calls or social media madness getting to you. It is only you and the world around you.

The experience was one worth waiting for. It was not only mesmerising, it gave me the opportunity to reflect on how beautiful and calming it is when you’re up in the skies. It was what I’ve always wanted.

balloon shadowAs we were heading to the skies lots of children waved us off. They jumped around excitedly, wearing their school uniforms. I’d like to think that as they watched us go they were having their own dreams and thinking of what their lives may be like in the future.

You may have your own dreams. Writing is another dream of mine. I confess I was thinking about characters who could have a balloon ride in one of their stories. Have you found yourself doing an activity and during it have attempted to remember what all your senses are experiencing so that you can use it in your writing?

For me all these things help my writing; whether it’s sitting in a coffee shop, going to a sports event or having a night in a club. I’ve written about all these things. Don’t underestimate the power of living as a writer rather than focusing everything on getting those words down.

Don’t forget to dream either; whether it’s about writing or other things in your life.

I’m going to go and whisper in the ear of six year old me now and tell her that it’s okay to dream big because 30-something Rebecca is making sure they come true. She’s going to be so happy.

dreams hot air balloon

 

Tell me your dreams too, either here or via my Facebook page or Twitter page.

Camp Nano Winner 2018 – Things I Learnt

I did it! I completed Camp Nanowrimo, I’m officially a winner.

You can find out more about Camp Nanowrimo here. Reaching my goal, i.e. writing 50k words in one month, was one of the most difficult things I’ve taken part in as a writer.

Camp Nanowrimo learnt

Let me tell you why:
  • I haven’t written more than 10,000 words on one project for nearly two years.
  • I chose to write a YA genre novel – I’ve never written a YA piece before
  • I had a ridiculously busy month in my day job, launching a project I’ve been leading on for 6 months
  • 6 months ago (i.e. when the day job changed) I lost my creativity

 

Why am I telling you this? Because I’ve learnt some things from my first camp experience, things that may help you too:

I can’t write every day

That’s not to say I didn’t but I found it difficult, nearly pushing myself to illness to make sure I was writing my set amount. I’ve read on twitter about how writers should write every day as it helps you create something. It doesn’t help me! I need time to think out the next section I’m going to write. By constantly writing I can’t find the space to think, tease out and then solve the problems. Which brings me to another point.

I need more than writing in my life

Shock, horror, did I say that out loud? I like to formulate plot, work out points, meet up with friends and discuss writing but I also like having a life that isn’t about writing. That’s not to say writing doesn’t filter through to the other parts of my day but the last month I ditched a lot of things to get the novel written; exercise, socialising, sleep. I’ll be spending the next month trying to lose the weight I gained during the month!

I can write more than I thought I could

I asked my boyfriend for his thoughts on what I might have learnt and this was his contribution. It’s easy for me to see the negatives but he’s right. After the first week I didn’t believe I could achieve the 50k goal, after the second week I didn’t believe I could achieve it, even up until a couple of days before I finished I knew it was touch and go. As a writer you might get negative reviews and lack of interest from publishers but ultimately for me no one brings my writing down like I do and I need to remind myself of my strengths and what I’ve achieved instead of what I haven’t.

Never underestimate the importance of chatting with other writers

There was one particular moment when I was sitting on a train, knowing that was my best time to write and yet the motivation had disappeared. I chatted with another writer on twitter, Anne Pyle, about needing to write and she gave me the energy and focus I needed. Within 10 minutes I was back on it. I wrote another 2,000 words that day. I don’t think I would have written another word if it hadn’t been for her.

I love writing

In the last year when my creativity left me I was unsure whether I should focus on my day job rather than writing. But this month reminded me that I do adore writing, even when it’s a struggle to get pen to paper. I love channelling things I see and imagine into writing. It’s a great place to work through my frustrations too.

And a last thing I want to share. The day after I finished my 50k novel an email popped into my inbox. A short story I wrote last year has been accepted into an anthology.  What a way to end the month!

What did you learn from either this or a previous Nanowrimo? Leave your comments here or on my Facebook page or Twitter page.

I’m Back aka What Happened to my Creativity?

creativity

I’m doing my first Camp Nanowrimo and I’m loving it… when I’m managing to find the time to fit it in and not get stressed!

For those of you wondering what I’m talking about nanowrimo refers to national writing month, although people from all over the world do it. Read more here.

The aim is to focus on a writing/editing project. You set your own target and get on with it. You also bunk with other virtual cabin mates and spur each other on. I’m in a cabin with lots of amazing people including Jolie Vines , (who I love tweeting with and has great book recommendations), Zoe Ashwood and ElleThorpe. But there are other fantastic people in

the bunk too

I didn’t join until a week before because I wasn’t sure I could fit it in and for another reason.

Over the last six months my creativity and ability to write has been as dead as a dodo. I’ve thought about writing, talked about writing, tweeted about writing but nothing has been written. And it has terrified me. How can I call myself a writer if I can’t write?

Dreams

Things started to change about a month ago. I started to dream again.

dreams

By this I don’t mean I developed goals and aims. At night I started to have dreams. I’ve always dreamed and remembered my dreams but for the last six months nothing. But then one night I had a vivid dream and then, a couple of nights later, another. The dreams started to come. Some were terrifying and sickening but yet brought a lot of happiness because that meant my creativity was coming back! It’s had some similarities to a tortoise but hopefully that means I will reach my writing goals too as we know the tortoise won in the end, even with his slow pace.

I’ll tell you more about what I’m writing in my next blog post but for now I wanted to share my fears from the last six months and say that things can change with time. If you’re struggling with writing or your creativity leave me your comments here or on my Facebook or Twitter page.

I always thought writer’s block meant not having ideas, which I’ve still had in the last six months. For me writer’s block was an inability to put words to page and develop an idea. Let’s hope that lull is gone for good. “I’m back, Baby”.

To read more of my writing blogs click on the Blogging category on the right of the page or read one entry here.

What Went Wrong?

Why this time?

Frequently when it came to dating I’d wonder what went wrong.

There is one guy that stands out when it comes to “What went wrong”. Let’s call him Wizard Steve.

He was one of the good ones, at least I think so. It’s hard to say, even with hindsight. Maybe I’m a naive idiot.

From our initial messages we got on great. Steve wasn’t like a lot of guys I’d had chatted to before, he seemed friendly and respectful. He could be flirty and yet talk about things that weren’t just about sex. We shared all kinds of stories. He told me all about his kids and what his hopes and dreams were for the future. When he got a message from me he said he was happy to hear from me and even put himself out there by sharing some of his poetry. I don’t think any of this was a line.

what went wrong textingWe did talk about meeting up but at the time it was difficult to set a definite date as he was in the first weeks of his masters and his kids were being problematic. After a couple of weeks he started to message less. I didn’t let this phase me, I guess in those days I had a lot more hope and a lots less experience.

But then came that one night.

Lying in bed, sick with a bug, I heard my phone beep. It was Steve and he wasn’t his normal self.

Steve: I was wondering if you were free tonight. I want to invite you over so that I can make love to you all night.

What the Fuck?

It didn’t sound like something he would say and although it was an interesting invitation it wasn’t my style. I wasn’t looking for a hook-up. And being ill in bed meant I wasn’t going anywhere anyway.

The texts continued for an hour or so. Steve sent unexpected messages including thoughts he’d had about me and the different, more flirty and sexual times he’d imagined me.

The intentions behind the following messages didn’t give me cause for concern but as the messages continued so did my thoughts on this change.

Was he drunk? It didn’t seem like it. There weren’t lots of mistakes.

Had someone stolen his phone? That didn’t sound feasible either as Steve seemed to know me from the things he said in the messages.

went wrong dick picEventually we tried to do a bit of sexting. This was something we hadn’t done before as he’d seemed wary but it was as if he was possessed that night.

Steve was a poetic man and yet the words and flow seemed to be a struggle for him. Instead of it being fun it was becoming stilted and clumsy.

Steve: This isn’t working. I’m not enjoying it.

In all honestly neither was I but I don’t give up easily and I thought encouragement might help. Did I mention that I’m an idiot?

Vera: That’s a shame, I’m enjoying it.

Steve: I’m sorry but I don’t think you are. We should stop this. Goodbye.

Vera: It sounds like you’re saying goodbye for good.

Steve: I am. Good luck with what you’re looking for and goodbye.

And he was gone. That was it. I never heard from him again.

What had happened? What went wrong?

About a month later his name popped up on Facebook as someone I might know, it turned out that we had a friend in common.

Can you guess what I did?

That’s right. Cringe on my behalf if you must but I  spoke to this mutual friend about him, searching for some answers. Maybe I’d find out if he was a drug addict, still married or a bit of a player. But she said nothing like that, in fact she uttered, “You two would be great together”.

Again I was left with the question, what went wrong?

Theories:

  • Wizard Steve was drunk but good at hiding it.
  • He was bored.
  • He wanted to get laid and because I couldn’t come over he was disappointed, deciding to get himself off before ditching me.
  • Steve suspected I was talking to other guys at the same time and didn’t like it. He’d be right, for some of the conversation I had been. Yeah, I know, I’m an idiot.
  • A friend had got hold of his phone and was doing the talking for him.
  • His date that evening had cancelled and in his sadness and/or annoyance he decided to move on to me, realising halfway through out chat that I wasn’t what he wanted. Or maybe someone else had called round after all.

Have you got any theories? Tell me all! Leave your comments here or on my Facebook page or Twitter page.

Is Height an Issue for Dating

Is height your turn off…

When you start chatting to someone you never know what’s going on behind that mobile. That was a lesson I learnt many times when dating, especially with the guy I’ll call Stinky Winky.

But before I tell you about him I need to remind you of something that I revealed in a previous blog.  Come closer, that’s right, now here we go.

I’m short. I’m talking a tiny bit under 5 foot kind of short.

height and datingIt’s affected me when dating. Contrary to what my male friends say many guys really don’t seem to be keen on short women. I don’t know why because we’re easy to lift, we always make you look tall and we tend to be cute. Although, unfortunately, some guys don’t like cute either.

Anyway, why is my height significant? Read on and you’ll find out.

Oh, there is something else you should know… I used to be a good, Christian girl. Yeah, I know, good Christian girl turned erotic romance writer. It’s the stuff legends are made of. Get over it.

The Good Christian Girl Days

In those days I dabbled for a short time with online Christian dating sites. While on one particular site I got chatting to Stinky Winky. He seemed nice enough. Not too flirty, kind of cute and easy to talk to. We’d chatted a couple of times using the messenger part of this site (it was the old days and they didn’t have a phone app). I was too nervous too swap numbers  but over time I started to trust a bit more.

One day the conversation got round to my height. I didn’t think it was anything to be embarrassed about so I told him.

His next message was, “Ah okay. As it happens I’m not really looking for anyone to date.” And then he stopped speaking to me.

I was gutted and I knew I was being bullshitted. Was my height really that bad? It wasn’t like I was ever going to be able to change it.

height datingEventually I moved on, although my confidence had taken a massive hit. What if every guy felt that way? Friends had told me I was beautiful but at the end of the day what did that matter if my height was that much of a turn off.

About a year later I started going to a new church. I met a new group of friends, all female and all using the Christian dating website. One Sunday one of these friends walked into church with her new boyfriend… you guessed it, Stinky Winky!

I recognised him from the pictures I’d seen the year before. He recognised me too, it was obvious from the furtive looks he gave me. Maybe he was trying to place me but couldn’t work out where from. either way I was amused. He couldn’t look away!

But that wasn’t the end

Eventually my friend broke up with him. Suddenly all the secrets came out. I learnt that at some point he’d approached every female in my group of friends. That was kind of understandable, it wasn’t like there was a big pool of Christian girls in that town to pick from.

But there was more. Stinky Winky had confessed to his girlfriend that he had a bit of an addiction to prostitutes, he had emotionally abusive tendencies to girlfriends and had only gone on the Christian dating websites because he knew the ladies on them were not only vulnerable but a lot more trusting.

I had a lucky escape.

Although not always the case I was relieved that my lack of height had kept me safe on this occasion, goodness knows what would have happened if I hadn’t been a pocket rocket!

Have you ever had a lucky escape? Tell me all! Leave your comments here or on my Facebook page or Twitter page. And don’t forget to take a look at my other posts via the news page above or this link.

Don’t Speak

The First Message

You’ve been waiting to see if you’ll match that person you like. Finally you do. What do you say in that first message?

Here’s a blog post about some of the worst first messages I’ve had.

sexting messageDon’t do this, just don’t.

“Hey, is it wrong to want to physically pick you up and abuse you? X”

(Who puts a kiss on the end of a message like that?)

 

Fetish Reveal So Early?

Him: Hi x

Me: Hello

Him: How are you? What size shoe are you? x

(He went on to reveal his foot fetish, I stepped away. Don’t give away your personal fetish so quickly.)

Know Your Audience

Him: Are you as innocent as you look?

Me: Yes

(Well they don’t need to know the truth yet do they?)

Keep it in Your Pants

Potential: What undies are you wearing sexy? x

(Not even a “Hello. Are you having a nice day?” How rude.)

desk messageDesk fetish?

Him: I’m thinking about having over a desk so I can tease you with my mouth and cock before grabbing you and fucking you senseless.

(Firstly, what the fuck? But then I start to wonder, did he miss the word me out of the sentence, i.e. is he thinking about having me over a desk? That would make more sense unless he’s thinking about “having over a desk”. Like is he going to invite the desk over for a date too? Maybe you can find online dating for those who want to romance desks.)

Why do I Bother?

Him: I know what you like.

Me: What is that?

Him: You like to be pushed over a table and fucked hard and dirty from behind.

(I was shocked by how quickly that escalated. I was hoping he was going to say lemon drizzle and ask for me out for cake.)

Some don’t know what they’re letting themselves in for?

Him: Cute and feisty, eh? Sounds good. Kinky also? 😉

Me: Sadly not, surprisingly normal.

Him: I’ve been normal all my life, but part of me wants to try new things. Not like proper crazy stuff, just stuff that’s a bit more naughty, you know?

Me: You’re going to have to give me an example…

(My curiosity really is a cross to bear.)

Him: In my Google-based research, the most popular things to try out seem to be toys, spanking, strap-ons, golden showers, threesomes. So I’d guess I’d start with some of them.

(He then went on to tell me that he was pretty horny to which my unhelpful response was…)

Me: Ah you’ve got the Saturday horn! Fair enough. Although strange that it’s suddenly made you want to have a woman wee on you before she puts a strap on and does you up the arse.

(The conversation ended not long after that, it turns out he just wanted a threesome)

This Guy

Him: Hey how are you? Fancy a chat?

Me: Hello. I’m good thanks. How are you?

Him: I’m ok thanks. Do women purposely wait for blokes to send the first message?

(Apparently by chat he meant using me as the oracle for all women)

Me: I have to admit that I do, sorry. Have you had a good week?

Him: You must be on here to meet someone so you have to put effort into it

(Berating a woman so quickly into chatting isn’t the best way to seduce her.)

Me: I see your point

Him: This dating malarkey is rubbish

(Why am I still talking to him? And yet I continue.)

Me: Well yeah but how else are you going to find what you want? What brought you to this site?

Him: To find someone but there’s too much competition and it’s hard to get a look in with the women you fancy.

(I’m not surprised if you talk to them like this, unless he’s only talking to me because the ones he likes won’t give him time)

Me: Maybe you need to be creative with the things you say to them or just funny and honest.

Him: You can’t be yourself over text women must be stupid if they think you can

(Yep, he just called me and a lot of other women stupid.)

Me: I guess I’m one of the stupid ones then.

(He proceeded to carry on with his rant. I won’t bore you with it. My recommendation was that he took some time out from dating)

 

flirt dateSorry

But then I’m no one to judge. Some of my first messages have been cringe! And for that I apologise to any guy I messaged first. It didn’t end well.

What have been the worst first messages you’ve sent or received. Go on, get it off your chest, you know you want to. Don’t forget to add them here or on my Facebook page or Twitter page.

Did you know I write erotic romance? You can find my stories either by going to the books page on this site or by clicking here.

Corrupted – A New Erotic Anthology

Do you want to get corrupted?

I love submitting to anthologies. The call to write something different is a test of my imagination and the Corrupted call was no different.

What has liberated you? Has society suggested it corrupted you instead?

Online dating is a topic close to my heart, as you may have guessed from by blog. We hear society telling us that it’s caused people to sleep around more. In 2015 it was reported that the dating apps and sites were to blame for an increase in STIs. But these sites and apps have been liberating too. It’s easy to think of it as a danger or a distraction but to be a faceless person behind a computer screen or an app means we can be ourselves too. Instead of being judged by our looks or outward appearance, which is common when in a pub or a club,  the first impression we make includes our personalities!

That was my inspiration.

But there was more too. Before I continue let me share a little about the Corrupted anthology.

Corrupted coverCorrupted

Since the beginning of time, everything that has promised to liberate women has also been accused of corrupting them: suffrage, trousers, the pill, and learning to drive, and that’s just to start with.

In this erotica collection, women reclaim or recognise their power in myriad ways, and it’s not always pretty. From femdom dynamics to BDSM, boardrooms, and benchwarmers, Corrupted comprises a startling cross-section of stories defining what it means to be a woman in the modern world.

Edited by, and featuring, Charlie Powell. Corrupted contains contains ten powerful stories by Vanessa de Sade, Rebecca Chase, Annabeth Leong, Sonni de Soto, Robin Juliet, Kiki DeLovely, Byron Cane, Erin Horáková and Zak Jane Keir. It’s published by Sexy Little Pages.

Her Gateway

Before the submission call came through I remember reading an article about sex for the disabled. Is sex different for those who have less limbs, who can’t walk, who have no physical feelings below their waist?

While I will never know what it is like for someone with those disabilities I do know what online dating did for me when it came to sex. I found it liberating to be judged by my flirting techniques and ability to make someone laugh rather than how my body looked. For the first time I could chat to guys without my insecurities eating away at me. For me online dating had major moments of liberation, read my blog post about Mr Fumble here to find out more about my inspiration for this story.

Something else inspired me too. I was also fed up of reading stories about the same heroines. Where were the stories about people who didn’t fit the typical erotic romance stereotype?

rebecca chase corrupted her gateway

Her Gateway was born from all of the above and more.

Tessa has been in a wheelchair since she was young. Her disability has infiltrated every area of her life but so has her resilience. However, there’s one thing missing. She doesn’t know what sex is like. Being desired and feeling sexy are foreign concepts to her.

Online dating has changed everything. With the apps she can swipe to her heart’s content, searching for the guy that she might trust enough to give her the sexual experience she’s dreamed of.

Not only has she found him but as the story begins he’s waiting at her front door. The next 24 hours will change her life forever. What sort of change will it be and has it been worth longing for all this time? Could Mike be the man to make all her fantasies come true?

To understand what liberation can mean in this setting you’ll have to read the story, which you can buy here.

But before you go here is a teaser.

An Excerpt from Her Gateway

“I was wondering…” She tried not to smirk when she saw him raise his eyebrows at her long drawn out words and seductive tone. “If you’d tell me one of those fantasies. You know, what have you thought about doing with me and exactly where was your hand when you imagined it?” With a smirk, she looked at his crotch and gave him a wink.

Mike chuckled his amusement, stepping back with an exaggerated sigh. “Exactly where you think it was. Okay, now which fantasy shall I share first? How about the one where I hold you up against the wall. I’m stronger than I look and you’re no fragile doll. I think you might enjoy some different positions and locations.”

She nearly spluttered at his words. Mike had offered her more than she’d realised could be available. Once more she took in his features. His sexiness didn’t just come from his looks. He exuded it like most people sweated. A nonchalant air surrounded him but it wasn’t because he didn’t care what happened. Tessa got a sense that he’d been through a lot in his thirty years, most he’d probably not share, even though she’d poured out her heart and insecurities to him. But now he seemed to be in a comfortable place. They’d only been chatting for a couple of months and yet she could see many aspects to him; his past was a telling blemish on his skin.

That was her hope too, that one day she would be fully comfortable in her own skin. A sexual being who men desired and even if they didn’t, the knowledge of that wouldn’t lessen her. But there was a goal she had to reach first.

The thoughts of conquering this barrier were what might have caused her to clear her throat and announce her idea louder than necessary. “Maybe we should talk in bed.”

The heat from her cheeks blazed when he rose his eyebrows, especially when he added an amused smile.

Beckoning him closer, she placed her hand in his, noticing that clasping him tightly made it more difficult to tremble. He squeezed her hand gently before letting it go so that she could lead him towards her bedroom.

The guy I REALLY liked – The Stallion

Stallion Stan, part 2

Do you remember Stallion Stan? I talked about him in the good, the bad and the ugly series of blog posts. He was The Good, the first date game changer, and you can read about him here.

We had a very interesting first date with laughing, chatting, flirting, fumbling and lots of kissing. And similar dates followed. Spending time with him made me happy in a way I’d never expected. After a series of dating dickheads I thought this might be a significant one.

first date dates stallionWith him I was no longer needing to hide “the bounce”. The sort of bounce that you can’t resist doing because you want to burst with happiness! There wasn’t any point hiding it because most of the time he was grinning so hard I thought he might explode. When he arrived at my house he had a grin so wide I could see it through the frosted glass of the front door window!

Dates would consist of long walks while we shared the stories from our lives and the baggage from our pasts. He’d even manage to give me swift kisses and grab my bum in public too, something that’s a massive plus for me. I was giddy and overdosing on all the endorphins inside me.

kissing

But on one of our dates things suddenly started moving a lot quicker than I anticipated. While he was vaguely respectful when I slowed him down he wasn’t as sweet and thoughtful as I’d remembered. Then one afternoon we were in my room, kissing and making out when suddenly he wasn’t trying to fool around anymore. He was taking it to a level we hadn’t discussed. Not just that but he was doing it without a condom.

I wasn’t ready for sex and I freaked out, jumping away, at which point he freaked out at my reaction and then to make the situation even more awkward my friend phoned me and kept ringing the doorbell. We never chatted through what happened. We should have…

Because that twenty minutes changed everything with “Stallion Stan” and although he suggested everything was okay he’d changed. Suddenly he was getting a lot of stress migraines, wasn’t in contact as much and as a result I got stressed things were over. We agreed to meet up again and we did but Stallion Stan wasn’t the same guy.

This time he arrived at the front door without a smile. He coldly handed me my hat, which I’d left in his car, and “joked” that he could now go home. That day he’d make these comments that left me unsure if he was displaying his true side, which wasn’t sweet and lovely anymore, or if he was faking bastard personality characteristics to put me off. Yet throughout this he continued to talk about his future, one that always had me in it.

As he left he said “I’ll probably see you again next weekend” But he didn’t.

b is for boredom ghostedBy the middle of the week he’d stopped texting and I could see he was back on the dating site. I was being ghosted and he was moving on. I didn’t know what to do. Was it time to try game playing?

After three days of complete phone silence I built up the courage to ask what was going on. He put it on me and made out he thought I’d got bored with him. Halfway through our conversation and discussing whether we should give it another go he just stopped replying.

I never heard from him again.

My time with Stan left me hurt, confused and feeling like there was something wrong with me. The happiness I’d had when we kissed was ripped away from me. I was broken. It made me a lot less trusting in dating, always waiting for something to go wrong, scared by any changes in behaviour.

I came off online dating for many months after that. There may have been plenty more fish in the sea but as I couldn’t rely on my instincts or my personality I wasn’t sure I’d ever trust another one again.

Ghosted?

Have you been ghosted by a Stallion Stan?  Tell me about your ghosting experiences and remember, there are all sorts of arseholes out there but they’re not the only daters out there. Feel free to add to my comments section or add to my Facebook page or Twitter page. And if you want me to answer any questions in my blog please drop me a message.

Ask Me To Stay

Love pagerLet me set the scene…

It’s nearly twenty years ago, a nineties pop ballad, that you’ve only heard in “remember when” radio shows (I mean you, B*witched), is playing as I sit in my bootcut trousers and strappy top. People are still recreating the famous Rose and Jack scene whenever they get near the bow of a boat and people relied on pagers on a night out.

More importantly than this my life is on the cusp of something new.

Two people, and by people I mean fictional TV characters, are about to come into my life and change it forever.

One will teach me about empowerment, kicking butt and that females can be and are hilarious. And not because they’re airhead bimbos who are the joke but because they’re fucking awesome. They can even be the protagonist in major television shows, books and life. Buffy Summers burst onto my television and changed everything.

But this post is about another nineties character. He taught me that I like bad boys – not the ones who set fire to things or damage lives – but the ones who underneath all the bravado have a heart. They make us laugh, they hurt when awful things happen, they struggle through the crap life throws at them and can be a bit useless. BUT they love with all they have and when the situation calls for it they step up and kiss the girl.

Step forward Pacey Witter

A man who has been number 1 on my list of guys I want to be with for nearly 20 years.

Pacey Love ninetiesLike Joey I didn’t appreciate him at first. I thought he was an idiot who’d had an affair with his teacher. It wasn’t until series 3 that I fell for him and I’ve never looked back.

When I write stories I can see that there’s a little bit of Pacey popping up all over the place. He comes through my writing in the humour, the cheeky glances and the teasing nature of many of my protagonists. Sometimes his character is revealed through the broken nature of those I write about, especially when they slowly redeem themselves and become whole, with little mistakes along the way.

I’m not ashamed of the impact the show had on my life; it taught me through it’s beautiful scenery and unnecessarily adult language about unrequited love, betrayal, death, prejudice, suffering and how the first kiss can be terrifying no matter who you are. This is something both myself and my characters can testify to.

This weekend one of my best friends, A, is getting married. She was my “rival” for Pacey’s love – I know how ridiculous that sounds but I was a teenager! At least I wasn’t weeping about my love for Brian Harvey from East 17… I know someone who did though.

The contest between myself and A brought us closer and I look forward to being able to share her special day with her. Also, it means Pacey is all mine now too!

So I owe a debt of gratitude to Dawson’s Creek, its creators and especially Joey and Pacey, for teaching me about love and giving me a best friend for life. Joey and Pacey got their happy ever after and in doing so let me see why romance is a key part of everything I write.

Happy 20 year anniversary to their first episode!

Don’t forget to tell me about your first TV love via my Facebook page or Twitter page. They don’t have to be from the nineties but they have to have been significant.

Instincts and Rules

You should always make sure you follow your instincts

You know when something isn’t right and no collection of dos and don’ts can convince you otherwise. In my previous post I shared my dating rules, you can read that here, but no matter what you put in place for yourself you still need to trust your instincts.

The Story of Dickson Bollocks

texting instinctsOne of my friends, Hilda, had her own mistake with Dickson Bollocks. They chatted via text for a couple of days and she’d already suggested that he seemed to have a controlling personality but she was lonely, bored and on the rebound. Dickson also seemed to make the semi-nude selfie game they played fun too.

BIG MISTAKE!

Thankfully even the tame photos she sent didn’t have her face in. But she’s said many times that she should never have got involved with him.

Let me tell you why

Their date was in public and somewhere she knew. She drove, didn’t drink and kept her phone on and in her pocket at all times. Instincts niggled at her but she couldn’t put her finger on why. While chatting during the date she foolishly shared too much personal information. Eventually Hilda came to the decision that something wasn’t right. She politely explained she had to leave.

Dickson tried to convince her otherwise.

He repeatedly tried to persuade her to go to his house even though he was fully aware she wasn’t getting in any enclosed private spaces with him. But he had an argument for that too, “We can go in my garage with the garage door open and that way you’ll feel relaxed”.

She declined.

Finally they separated. Hilda explained she was popping to a friend’s house, which she did before driving the forty-five minutes home. The whole time she was there Dickson continued to text her asking her to come to his house for just fifteen minutes on her way home. She said no every time. Then he suggested ten minutes. Again she was adamant it wasn’t happening so he changed tactics saying that it could just be five minutes at a petrol station or a lay-by on her way home.

Yes, a lay-by.

fear dating instinctsShe wasn’t going anywhere near the lay-by.

Instincts had moved from nervy to freaking out. Dickson didn’t know exactly where she lived but he knew what route she’d have to take back to town. The entire drive home she was checking her rear view mirror. Rather than go straight home she met friends at the pub, worried what might happen next.

The messages continued

Dickson: Please send me some more photos. I know you have them on your phone. Please, it’s the least you can do after not coming to my house.

So she sent them.

Hilda told me that even at the time she knew she was a “fucking idiot” but she didn’t know what else to do. Too scared to tell people in case they judged her for going on the date and giving out too much personal information she couldn’t face their thoughts when she mentioned the initial photos she sent too. Sadly, in some weird way Hilda thought it would get him off her back.

Then she didn’t hear from him for a couple of days. Liberation doesn’t even come close to describing it, she thought he’d moved on.

But she was wrong

Eventually within days Dickson was back on the scene and wanting to meet again.

Hilda: I’m really sorry but I just don’t think I’m ready for a relationship.

Dickson: Thank you for telling me, I’m grateful you let me know rather than not replying.

Surely it was all over? No, the conversation carried on.

Dickson: As you don’t want anything more the least you could do is send me some more photos, it’s not really fair on me otherwise.

Hilda: No, I’m not going to do that.

Dickson: Do you want me to delete the other photos you sent?

Hilda: Yes I do but let’s be honest it doesn’t make a difference what I ask, you’ll do what you want with them.

That’s the problem with sending photos, you lose your control of them as soon as you press send.

dating safetyThis conversation carried on for about thirty minutes. Dickson kept on. He was an intelligent guy and knew exactly what to say and what questions to ask, including reminding her that he still had her photos. Hilda didn’t have enough experience for this situation and was too ashamed to ask someone who did.

Eventually she decided to stop replying, believing if he couldn’t get a response then he couldn’t mess with her head. Dickson’s messages continued for an hour.

Dickson: I can’t believe you’re ending it this way.

But when she stopped reading the messages and turned her phone off he stopped sending them. Hilda was still scared but she knew she’d got off lightly.

Dickson texted occasionally over the next four or five months. Messages like “I’m thinking about you”. But without a reply from her his game was over.

Dickson Bollocks taught Hilda a lesson and he taught me one too.

There are creepy guys out there but listening to your instincts and following your own rules can keep you safe, to some extent.

Thankfully online dating has good guys too.

Have you had a guy like Dickson Bollocks in your life or a situation where you’re relieved to say you used your instincts? Please add to the comments section here or via my Facebook page or Twitter page.