What Went Wrong?

Why this time?

Frequently when it came to dating I’d wonder what went wrong.

There is one guy that stands out when it comes to “What went wrong”. Let’s call him Wizard Steve.

He was one of the good ones, at least I think so. It’s hard to say, even with hindsight. Maybe I’m a naive idiot.

From our initial messages we got on great. Steve wasn’t like a lot of guys I’d had chatted to before, he seemed friendly and respectful. He could be flirty and yet talk about things that weren’t just about sex. We shared all kinds of stories. He told me all about his kids and what his hopes and dreams were for the future. When he got a message from me he said he was happy to hear from me and even put himself out there by sharing some of his poetry. I don’t think any of this was a line.

what went wrong textingWe did talk about meeting up but at the time it was difficult to set a definite date as he was in the first weeks of his masters and his kids were being problematic. After a couple of weeks he started to message less. I didn’t let this phase me, I guess in those days I had a lot more hope and a lots less experience.

But then came that one night.

Lying in bed, sick with a bug, I heard my phone beep. It was Steve and he wasn’t his normal self.

Steve: I was wondering if you were free tonight. I want to invite you over so that I can make love to you all night.

What the Fuck?

It didn’t sound like something he would say and although it was an interesting invitation it wasn’t my style. I wasn’t looking for a hook-up. And being ill in bed meant I wasn’t going anywhere anyway.

The texts continued for an hour or so. Steve sent unexpected messages including thoughts he’d had about me and the different, more flirty and sexual times he’d imagined me.

The intentions behind the following messages didn’t give me cause for concern but as the messages continued so did my thoughts on this change.

Was he drunk? It didn’t seem like it. There weren’t lots of mistakes.

Had someone stolen his phone? That didn’t sound feasible either as Steve seemed to know me from the things he said in the messages.

went wrong dick picEventually we tried to do a bit of sexting. This was something we hadn’t done before as he’d seemed wary but it was as if he was possessed that night.

Steve was a poetic man and yet the words and flow seemed to be a struggle for him. Instead of it being fun it was becoming stilted and clumsy.

Steve: This isn’t working. I’m not enjoying it.

In all honestly neither was I but I don’t give up easily and I thought encouragement might help. Did I mention that I’m an idiot?

Vera: That’s a shame, I’m enjoying it.

Steve: I’m sorry but I don’t think you are. We should stop this. Goodbye.

Vera: It sounds like you’re saying goodbye for good.

Steve: I am. Good luck with what you’re looking for and goodbye.

And he was gone. That was it. I never heard from him again.

What had happened? What went wrong?

About a month later his name popped up on Facebook as someone I might know, it turned out that we had a friend in common.

Can you guess what I did?

That’s right. Cringe on my behalf if you must but I  spoke to this mutual friend about him, searching for some answers. Maybe I’d find out if he was a drug addict, still married or a bit of a player. But she said nothing like that, in fact she uttered, “You two would be great together”.

Again I was left with the question, what went wrong?

Theories:

  • Wizard Steve was drunk but good at hiding it.
  • He was bored.
  • He wanted to get laid and because I couldn’t come over he was disappointed, deciding to get himself off before ditching me.
  • Steve suspected I was talking to other guys at the same time and didn’t like it. He’d be right, for some of the conversation I had been. Yeah, I know, I’m an idiot.
  • A friend had got hold of his phone and was doing the talking for him.
  • His date that evening had cancelled and in his sadness and/or annoyance he decided to move on to me, realising halfway through out chat that I wasn’t what he wanted. Or maybe someone else had called round after all.

Have you got any theories? Tell me all! Leave your comments here or on my Facebook page or Twitter page.

Is Height an Issue for Dating

Is height your turn off…

When you start chatting to someone you never know what’s going on behind that mobile. That was a lesson I learnt many times when dating, especially with the guy I’ll call Stinky Winky.

But before I tell you about him I need to remind you of something that I revealed in a previous blog.  Come closer, that’s right, now here we go.

I’m short. I’m talking a tiny bit under 5 foot kind of short.

height and datingIt’s affected me when dating. Contrary to what my male friends say many guys really don’t seem to be keen on short women. I don’t know why because we’re easy to lift, we always make you look tall and we tend to be cute. Although, unfortunately, some guys don’t like cute either.

Anyway, why is my height significant? Read on and you’ll find out.

Oh, there is something else you should know… I used to be a good, Christian girl. Yeah, I know, good Christian girl turned erotic romance writer. It’s the stuff legends are made of. Get over it.

The Good Christian Girl Days

In those days I dabbled for a short time with online Christian dating sites. While on one particular site I got chatting to Stinky Winky. He seemed nice enough. Not too flirty, kind of cute and easy to talk to. We’d chatted a couple of times using the messenger part of this site (it was the old days and they didn’t have a phone app). I was too nervous too swap numbers  but over time I started to trust a bit more.

One day the conversation got round to my height. I didn’t think it was anything to be embarrassed about so I told him.

His next message was, “Ah okay. As it happens I’m not really looking for anyone to date.” And then he stopped speaking to me.

I was gutted and I knew I was being bullshitted. Was my height really that bad? It wasn’t like I was ever going to be able to change it.

height datingEventually I moved on, although my confidence had taken a massive hit. What if every guy felt that way? Friends had told me I was beautiful but at the end of the day what did that matter if my height was that much of a turn off.

About a year later I started going to a new church. I met a new group of friends, all female and all using the Christian dating website. One Sunday one of these friends walked into church with her new boyfriend… you guessed it, Stinky Winky!

I recognised him from the pictures I’d seen the year before. He recognised me too, it was obvious from the furtive looks he gave me. Maybe he was trying to place me but couldn’t work out where from. either way I was amused. He couldn’t look away!

But that wasn’t the end

Eventually my friend broke up with him. Suddenly all the secrets came out. I learnt that at some point he’d approached every female in my group of friends. That was kind of understandable, it wasn’t like there was a big pool of Christian girls in that town to pick from.

But there was more. Stinky Winky had confessed to his girlfriend that he had a bit of an addiction to prostitutes, he had emotionally abusive tendencies to girlfriends and had only gone on the Christian dating websites because he knew the ladies on them were not only vulnerable but a lot more trusting.

I had a lucky escape.

Although not always the case I was relieved that my lack of height had kept me safe on this occasion, goodness knows what would have happened if I hadn’t been a pocket rocket!

Have you ever had a lucky escape? Tell me all! Leave your comments here or on my Facebook page or Twitter page. And don’t forget to take a look at my other posts via the news page above or this link.

The guy I REALLY liked – The Stallion

Stallion Stan, part 2

Do you remember Stallion Stan? I talked about him in the good, the bad and the ugly series of blog posts. He was The Good, the first date game changer, and you can read about him here.

We had a very interesting first date with laughing, chatting, flirting, fumbling and lots of kissing. And similar dates followed. Spending time with him made me happy in a way I’d never expected. After a series of dating dickheads I thought this might be a significant one.

first date dates stallionWith him I was no longer needing to hide “the bounce”. The sort of bounce that you can’t resist doing because you want to burst with happiness! There wasn’t any point hiding it because most of the time he was grinning so hard I thought he might explode. When he arrived at my house he had a grin so wide I could see it through the frosted glass of the front door window!

Dates would consist of long walks while we shared the stories from our lives and the baggage from our pasts. He’d even manage to give me swift kisses and grab my bum in public too, something that’s a massive plus for me. I was giddy and overdosing on all the endorphins inside me.

kissing

But on one of our dates things suddenly started moving a lot quicker than I anticipated. While he was vaguely respectful when I slowed him down he wasn’t as sweet and thoughtful as I’d remembered. Then one afternoon we were in my room, kissing and making out when suddenly he wasn’t trying to fool around anymore. He was taking it to a level we hadn’t discussed. Not just that but he was doing it without a condom.

I wasn’t ready for sex and I freaked out, jumping away, at which point he freaked out at my reaction and then to make the situation even more awkward my friend phoned me and kept ringing the doorbell. We never chatted through what happened. We should have…

Because that twenty minutes changed everything with “Stallion Stan” and although he suggested everything was okay he’d changed. Suddenly he was getting a lot of stress migraines, wasn’t in contact as much and as a result I got stressed things were over. We agreed to meet up again and we did but Stallion Stan wasn’t the same guy.

This time he arrived at the front door without a smile. He coldly handed me my hat, which I’d left in his car, and “joked” that he could now go home. That day he’d make these comments that left me unsure if he was displaying his true side, which wasn’t sweet and lovely anymore, or if he was faking bastard personality characteristics to put me off. Yet throughout this he continued to talk about his future, one that always had me in it.

As he left he said “I’ll probably see you again next weekend” But he didn’t.

b is for boredom ghostedBy the middle of the week he’d stopped texting and I could see he was back on the dating site. I was being ghosted and he was moving on. I didn’t know what to do. Was it time to try game playing?

After three days of complete phone silence I built up the courage to ask what was going on. He put it on me and made out he thought I’d got bored with him. Halfway through our conversation and discussing whether we should give it another go he just stopped replying.

I never heard from him again.

My time with Stan left me hurt, confused and feeling like there was something wrong with me. The happiness I’d had when we kissed was ripped away from me. I was broken. It made me a lot less trusting in dating, always waiting for something to go wrong, scared by any changes in behaviour.

I came off online dating for many months after that. There may have been plenty more fish in the sea but as I couldn’t rely on my instincts or my personality I wasn’t sure I’d ever trust another one again.

Ghosted?

Have you been ghosted by a Stallion Stan?  Tell me about your ghosting experiences and remember, there are all sorts of arseholes out there but they’re not the only daters out there. Feel free to add to my comments section or add to my Facebook page or Twitter page. And if you want me to answer any questions in my blog please drop me a message.

Instincts and Rules

You should always make sure you follow your instincts

You know when something isn’t right and no collection of dos and don’ts can convince you otherwise. In my previous post I shared my dating rules, you can read that here, but no matter what you put in place for yourself you still need to trust your instincts.

The Story of Dickson Bollocks

texting instinctsOne of my friends, Hilda, had her own mistake with Dickson Bollocks. They chatted via text for a couple of days and she’d already suggested that he seemed to have a controlling personality but she was lonely, bored and on the rebound. Dickson also seemed to make the semi-nude selfie game they played fun too.

BIG MISTAKE!

Thankfully even the tame photos she sent didn’t have her face in. But she’s said many times that she should never have got involved with him.

Let me tell you why

Their date was in public and somewhere she knew. She drove, didn’t drink and kept her phone on and in her pocket at all times. Instincts niggled at her but she couldn’t put her finger on why. While chatting during the date she foolishly shared too much personal information. Eventually Hilda came to the decision that something wasn’t right. She politely explained she had to leave.

Dickson tried to convince her otherwise.

He repeatedly tried to persuade her to go to his house even though he was fully aware she wasn’t getting in any enclosed private spaces with him. But he had an argument for that too, “We can go in my garage with the garage door open and that way you’ll feel relaxed”.

She declined.

Finally they separated. Hilda explained she was popping to a friend’s house, which she did before driving the forty-five minutes home. The whole time she was there Dickson continued to text her asking her to come to his house for just fifteen minutes on her way home. She said no every time. Then he suggested ten minutes. Again she was adamant it wasn’t happening so he changed tactics saying that it could just be five minutes at a petrol station or a lay-by on her way home.

Yes, a lay-by.

fear dating instinctsShe wasn’t going anywhere near the lay-by.

Instincts had moved from nervy to freaking out. Dickson didn’t know exactly where she lived but he knew what route she’d have to take back to town. The entire drive home she was checking her rear view mirror. Rather than go straight home she met friends at the pub, worried what might happen next.

The messages continued

Dickson: Please send me some more photos. I know you have them on your phone. Please, it’s the least you can do after not coming to my house.

So she sent them.

Hilda told me that even at the time she knew she was a “fucking idiot” but she didn’t know what else to do. Too scared to tell people in case they judged her for going on the date and giving out too much personal information she couldn’t face their thoughts when she mentioned the initial photos she sent too. Sadly, in some weird way Hilda thought it would get him off her back.

Then she didn’t hear from him for a couple of days. Liberation doesn’t even come close to describing it, she thought he’d moved on.

But she was wrong

Eventually within days Dickson was back on the scene and wanting to meet again.

Hilda: I’m really sorry but I just don’t think I’m ready for a relationship.

Dickson: Thank you for telling me, I’m grateful you let me know rather than not replying.

Surely it was all over? No, the conversation carried on.

Dickson: As you don’t want anything more the least you could do is send me some more photos, it’s not really fair on me otherwise.

Hilda: No, I’m not going to do that.

Dickson: Do you want me to delete the other photos you sent?

Hilda: Yes I do but let’s be honest it doesn’t make a difference what I ask, you’ll do what you want with them.

That’s the problem with sending photos, you lose your control of them as soon as you press send.

dating safetyThis conversation carried on for about thirty minutes. Dickson kept on. He was an intelligent guy and knew exactly what to say and what questions to ask, including reminding her that he still had her photos. Hilda didn’t have enough experience for this situation and was too ashamed to ask someone who did.

Eventually she decided to stop replying, believing if he couldn’t get a response then he couldn’t mess with her head. Dickson’s messages continued for an hour.

Dickson: I can’t believe you’re ending it this way.

But when she stopped reading the messages and turned her phone off he stopped sending them. Hilda was still scared but she knew she’d got off lightly.

Dickson texted occasionally over the next four or five months. Messages like “I’m thinking about you”. But without a reply from her his game was over.

Dickson Bollocks taught Hilda a lesson and he taught me one too.

There are creepy guys out there but listening to your instincts and following your own rules can keep you safe, to some extent.

Thankfully online dating has good guys too.

Have you had a guy like Dickson Bollocks in your life or a situation where you’re relieved to say you used your instincts? Please add to the comments section here or via my Facebook page or Twitter page.

Goodbye Moderation: Gluttony

Stories are like buses; nothing comes along for an age and then suddenly several anthologies at once. I have another one coming out soon but first let me introduce you to WAM Bam, a story I wrote for Goodbye Moderation: Gluttony. It’s is like nothing I’ve tried before.

Goodbye Moderation: Gluttony is a collection of stories about the real side of love and lust

Goodbye moderation gluttonyNothing succeeds like excess, and too much is never enough…

In a world where indulging our appetites is too often seen as a bad, selfish way to live, this anthology offers delightfully wicked stories of people feasting unashamedly on pleasure.

Discover carnal pleasures that combine catering and cunnilingus, devour these delicious tales of abandon and allow yourself to be inspired by characters who long to taste all that life and lust can offer, whether their focus is food, sex or a combination of the two.

By turns sweet, sticky, sensuous and startling, you’ll find these offerings finger-lickin’ good.

Goodbye Moderation: Gluttony is a collection of 12 short stories written by a variety of authors including Jordan Monroe, Annabeth Leong and Elna Holst. It is published by Sexy Little Pages and has been edited by the brilliant Zak Jane Keir.

WAM Bam

The story I wrote for this anthology was inspired by a guy I met once. We dated a little but it didn’t turn into anything. You can read more about him here.

WAM sploshing gluttonyThat guy, who for blogging purposes I named Peter Wang, was a big fan of Wet and Messy Play, also known as WAM or Sploshing. For him the biggest turn on was the idea of being gunged while people laughed at his humiliation. While this story doesn’t go in that direction it does bring in the idea of teasing someone with whipped cream, shoving frosting in places it isn’t used to going and the excitement of trying a fetish you never considered before. For love we can do the things that we once thought impossible. I now live with a snake for goodness sake!

Back to the Story

But this story isn’t about me or about Peter Wang, it’s about the sacrifices you might make for love. It’s about the fear that goes with trying something new.

Will Josie go through with it or will her relationship come to a sticky end?

Give yourself the chance to read something new. What could be more gluttonous with Christmas and Thanksgiving around the corner than a bit of WAM?

To buy the book or find out more about it click here.

Don’t forget to read this excerpt first

“What’s in your hand?” he asked, in a trembling whisper.

“Don’t you recognise squirty cream when you see it?” she asked, delighting in the way his whole body juddered when she attempted to spray some on her finger. Unfortunately, she must have shaken the can too much – or not enough – because, as soon as she pressed down the nozzle, it splatted everything within her vicinity. “Damn, that was meant to be sexy.”

“It was,” he replied with a gulp, barely noticing the cream sinking into carpet.

Giving it a quick shake, she squirted it again. The cream plopped onto her finger, the smell of sugar hitting the air instantly. With a cheeky grin, she sucked her finger dry, fixing her eyes on Paul. The reward for her initial foray into the afternoon’s entertainment was his open mouth and reddening face.

“But,” he stammered, before clearing what sounded like a building site of gravel from his throat, “why do you have it?”

Dropping her voice, she teased him into her confidence. His eyes widened at each word of her plan. But suspicion remained, drawing his eyebrows together and pursing his kissable lips.

There was something else demanding her attention. As she spoke, he neared her, revealing a masterful tenting in his shorts. She’d been lucky enough to become well acquainted with his cock over the past five months. It was perfect; not too big, not too small. She felt like Goldilocks when she got to taste it for the first time. It was just right.

The vehemence of his erection at her intentions caused a different sort of reaction. Warmth spread around her sex. Desire had sneaked up on her and, in response she fluttered her eyelashes, offering him more of her temptations.

Paul rarely failed to get a hard on when they were together but, today, he looked like he was fit to burst.

“And what happens to whoever wins Battleships?” he asked, as she finished sharing the planned delights of their afternoon.

“It’s a surprise. But you’ll love it, or maybe I will,” she winked, with a teasing grin.

 

 

Phil Dew part 2 – Could I Change Him?

If you missed part one of my Phil Dew experience and why I decided to play games then you can read it here. If you’re up to date enjoy what happened next.

Can You Change Someone?

changeMy mum once told me, “Don’t ever think you can change a man because you can’t.”

I should have realised when Phil first told me that the distance was too much that I wasn’t a game player. Ball games have never been part of my skill set…!

I was heading for a romance car crash if I thought I had any chance of swaying Phil’s decision. Sadly not only did I ignore the saying, I also ignored my instincts. More worryingly I ignored everything I’d already witnessed about Phil. The guy liked to have things his way and was as stubborn as me. Eventually we did go on that first date and it lasted eight hours.

everyone knowsIt was filled with laughter, smiles, the sort of subtle touches you make when you want to grab each other and kiss but are too scared to do anything so bold. In the end there was kissing, in a park where we enjoyed the warming sun. Our kissing was accompanied by a guy playing a guitar and singing so badly that Phil was ready to break the wood in two but the kissing kept him busy enough to control his annoyance.

So it all ended okay after the date and we lived happily ever after?

Don’t be so ridiculous.

What could go wrong?

Our friendship, where we refused to acknowledge the distance while continuing to talk about how much we cared about each other and rejecting the option to date other people carried on at a heady pace. I visited him for the weekend and got on with his friends. Even his dog loved me and his “little” Philip seemed happy to be in my company too, not that we got too physical. I guess holding that back was part of my ineffective game plan.

But none of this mattered because eventually things came to a head when I invited him to stay at mine. The avoidance tactic wasn’t working for either of us anymore. In typical fashion it wasn’t a grown up sharing of well thought out opinions it was the thrown out insults of two hurting people forced into a situation where there was no happy solution.

The real friendship and romance ended there

That evening tears brimmed at my eyes and eventually I sobbed. It was the teen romance I’d never experienced. Since then we’ve tried chatting a couple of times but it’s never worked. The trust, the care and the friendship had already been destroyed. No one who has genuinely cared about me has hurt me to the extent that he did and so the friendship couldn’t go back in time. I guess if I’d let it lie when he originally said he couldn’t do distance things might have been different but in the long run it caused more hurt than it healed.

Maybe if we’d lived in the same town we would have been a couple or maybe just best friends. I’ll never know. In the end none of it matters because when it’s not right for one person there’s nothing you can do about it.

It might be that you have extremely differing opinions on significant things. Does that mean there’s no future? Other times you might find you’re not in the right place to be dating. Maybe you’re hurting, jaded, tired or have too much going on in your life.

Ditch the Apps

I was once told “It’s better to be stuck on a shelf than locked in a cupboard”.

In other words it’s better to be single for a while than trapped with the wrong person.

If you need a break from online dating for a while then take that break. I did it for different reasons.

hipster changeDelete the apps from your phone, watch some television or catch up with your friends. It’s okay to take a break and it’s better than damaging your instincts and ending up with a psycho or a hipster… What could be worse?

If you have had an experience like this then let me know in the comments section or via my Facebook page or Twitter page. Or maybe you can tell me what is worse than a hipster, you’ll need a convincing argument though. Surely they’re the pits?

N is for Not Right

online datingIf you’ve missed any of my stories take a look in the categories section for A-Z Online Dating. Make sure you catch up on  Stallion Stan first here the next post on him is coming soon.

Sometimes the Situation Isn’t Right

The guy/woman isn’t right for you and you’re not right for them. Generally when this decision has been made by either you or the person you’re dating nothing can be done to change it.

If people have told you you’re not right for them, especially if you can’t see the point they’re making then you may be left wondering what the “real” reason for what’s going on is. You may try and change yourself so you can be what they want. I know I did.

But don’t, well, kind of don’t. No one is perfect and there should always be a little willing to reduce the arsehole parts of yourself or compromise and understand that some behaviours and habits are unnecessary when you’ve got an additional focus in your life.

If someone doesn’t want to continue dating you because you’re a bit tubby and they only date skinny potentials then they’re  not right one for you. Maybe they will only go on a third date if you always pay for everything, including the most expensive meals and presents. Yet they have no intention in treating you then stop and ditch! If you’re looking for long term and it’s starting like this then what’s it going to be like in two months or six months’ time? Respect goes both ways.

I Don’t Want to Destroy Someone

My aim when I was looking for a long term someone wasn’t to find any old person irrespective of how they treated me. I didn’t want to crush the soul of another person so we don’t have to be alone on Saturday night. I’m hoping that’s worked out, sometimes my boyfriend’s soul seems a bit crushed though…

Not right too shortThere might be other reasons that we couldn’t change if we wanted to. Between my friends we’ve heard a lot of these reasons; too tall, too short, too stupid, too religious, too easy, not experienced enough or worse no reason at all. We’re left making up our own reasons, which is never good.

Introducing Phil Dew

My story of such idiocy involved Phil Dew. Initially his dating tactics were pretty annoying. He’d message me repeatedly over several hours just to get one reply. It sounds a bit creepy in black and white but I realised early on it was for different reasons. Phil was pretty inexperienced and hadn’t learnt to play it cool. The man was filled with an enthusiasm he was desperate to share. Friends suggested I should ignore him and his weirdness but I couldn’t, there was something endearing about him.

Eventually he coaxed out my well-hidden silly side. It was time, care and support that I’d never experienced before.

Quickly I saw that although we lived ninety miles away with completely different backgrounds and experiences we had a lot in common. We constantly made each other laugh and seemed to have one of those freaky brain connections that meant we understood each other without explanation, even when no one else had a clue. Phil just had to mention a random character from an eighties film and I knew exactly who he was talking about and everything about the movie. We talked to each other all day every day and never ran out of conversation. If it wasn’t a voice message or text it was a random photo that left each other chuckling. We constantly tried to outdo each other in humour, although frequently he won. I’d never met anyone like him.

“The One”?

I’ve never believed in “the one” but for a millisecond I thought maybe true love did exist and I’d found mine. At the very least I’d found a friend for life in each other.

There were still moments where things went wrong. One day Phil texted me a photo of an event he was at. I pointed out the freaky looking woman at the edge of the picture. I thought Phil was joking when he said it was his mum.

He wasn’t.

There were also the nights he drunk called me but had to pause while he vomited in a bush before insisting that I tell him how much I liked him. This was usually followed by him oversharing with how much he fancied me. Even in these and many more awkward moments time spent speaking to him brought me a joy that I’d thought was impossible. I was nervously excited for our first date.

But before the date even happened Phil Dew told me that he couldn’t go through with it even though he liked me a lot. A long distance relationship wasn’t something he could do.

Not right cryingI was devastated

“We haven’t even given ourselves enough of a chance, we haven’t even met. It’s only an hour and a half drive, at the most,” I ranted to my housemate. But to Phil it was like we were on different continents.

I was too upset to speak to him but eventually he won me over.

Phil: I know you must hate me right now, I’m upset too.

Phil: The day isn’t right if I don’t get to hear from you.

So I came up with a new tactic. I thought eventually I could convince Phil he was wrong because he obviously liked me and we got on really well. Surely the distance couldn’t be that much of a problem? And so began one of the most clueless portions of my life.

To be continued…

Please tell me if you’ve been given a crap reason for being ditched and what your reaction was in the comments section or via my Facebook page or Twitter page. And if you want me to answer any questions in my blog please drop me a message.

Make a Date: the Good

Good Date?

In my last couple of posts I’ve talked about some bad date experiences but this one is different. Strap yourself in, it’s time you heard about Stallion Stan.

Stallion Stan

Stan was one of those guys where everything started off well. We chatted for a couple of day’s online then swapped numbers and continued our conversations via text. We spoke on the phone before we met, it was like talking with a friend instead of an awkward chat with a guy I’d never met. Stan had me in giggles and effortless smiles. The perfect version of funny and ridiculously cute, which happens to be my type.

flirt dateWhen the conversations got too sexual he’d rein them in but in an inquisitive and controlled way. He wanted to talk about fantasies and preferences but was also looking for something more long term than a bit of sexting fun.

We shared a lot of baggage before we met, which did a lot for bringing those fences down. Stan had some massive baggage, he was a former alcoholic, still living with his parents, his ex-girlfriend had cheated on him and he was struggling work wise due to his past. But he was nearing the career he’d been working towards. I was grateful for his honesty.

And I liked him.

We were both nervous before we met, wondering if when we stood in front of each other we’d find each other physically attractive. We’d got on really well so far.

Surely something had to go wrong?

The Day had Arrived

Finally the day of the date came. We were going to meet for lunch and see what would happen from there. Stan was adamant we’d spend all afternoon together, I was a little more reluctant, not making any promises in case I couldn’t keep them.

Nervous smiles were obvious when we first came face to face. My butterflies were already zipping around my belly. His third question was “What do you think about me?” Apparently he didn’t always get brilliant reactions. I couldn’t understand why. He was gorgeous. He reminded me of Chris Stark from the Scott Mills Show.

first date datesOur lunch was full of laughs and flirty, teasing smiles. Stan questioned if he had any competition for me and I couldn’t help but blush in response, no one had ever wanted to compete for me before.!

It turned out his prediction had been right about the date. After lunch we went for a semi-romantic stroll in the cold winter air, ending at a secluded stone line bandstand on the edge of a park.

That was the day I learnt I could happily kiss him for hours. Legs went numb, bottoms became as hard as the cold stone we sat on but the heat between us blazed.

It was the sort of kissing that erotic romances are based on.

Hands readily touched wherever they could get and on the whole they kept to the decent places. It was pretty cold for stripping in public which was probably for the best because we couldn’t get enough of each other. first date good dateOccasionally someone would walk near to our hiding spot and we’d break apart like horny teenagers caught making out behind the bike sheds. The afternoon we spent together in the park was filled with giggles, chatting, sweet yet lust filled kisses and stolen intimate touches.

It was a special date, a first date that made all the crap ones fade into insignificance.

Eventually we said our reluctant goodbyes. The date could have gone on for hours more. But I knew every kiss was giving me heady sensations and I might have problems being responsible for my actions.

I drove home joyous, touching my lips with my fingertips filled with fond memories and wondering what would happen next.

So..?

You’ll have to wonder what happened next, for now. As I said in a previous post first dates can become a game changer, making it hard to pick up your slovenly broken bodies and hearts and fake a smile every time you face a new one. But the good ones, the dates that leave you grinning as you try to sleep, make all the shit worthwhile and bring happiness and hope.

So don’t give up just yet. After all, as I was once told, you could be about to go on your “last first date”.

Please tell me your good, bad and ugly first date stories either in the comments section or via my Facebook page or Twitter page. And if you want me to answer any questions in my blog please drop me a message.

Make a Date: the Ugly

The Ugly Date

In the last post I told you about my almost date with Lazy Larry. I also shared some of my rules for dating. I promised a story about my ugly first date. Readers, let me tell you about Jimmy Jerkoff.

Jimmy Jerkoff

waiting dates dateI met Jimmy for a first date several years ago. I’d nervously travelled by train for forty minutes before arriving wide-eyed with nerves jangling at a chilly, unknown, train station. I waited for what felt like an age while men crossed my path, sadly none of them were him. As each hope lifted it was quickly dashed. Eventually I saw a face I recognised come round the glassy electric doors.

What did I think as I watched his eyes sweep from my face to my feet and back again? It didn’t really matter because before he even said a word a noise, similar to the one you make when you find your favourite chocolate brownie was taken by the person in the queue in front of you, left his mouth. It’s not the noise you make at the start of the date and especially not when you combine it with a face like a slapped arse. I’m no Miss Universe but I scrub up well when I have to.

The date got worse.

In hindsight I should have jumped back on the train. But maybe our chemistry would be obvious once we started chatting.

It wasn’t.

Instead of walking through town for a drink as per the original plan he took me to the nearest bar that was open, i.e. the one in the hotel down the road from the train station. He wasn’t trying to get lucky. He didn’t see the point in finding anything nicer.

Next came the moment we ordered, normally inconsequential on a date?

Not this time.

The look of confusion mixed with disgust that appeared on his face was a mystery to me until he explained, “I don’t understand why you’re ordering vodka and lemonade. Women are meant to drink wine.” How had I missed that all my life? I must have been sick the day at school when they talked about periods and how women were meant to drink wine!

When I went to buy our second drinks and he inferred I should buy wine I purchased another vodka and lemonade. Pissing the potential off on purpose is never the sign of a good date.

The rest of the date involved him spouting numerous opinions including one on something personal to me. He didn’t realise he’d offended me and I don’t think he would have cared.

Mistakes and dateTo top the evening off he ditched me outside the hotel, in a city strange to me, rather than walk me back to the dark station. It wasn’t far but the people hanging out nearby on my way back were still pretty scary. The best bit of the date was the croissant I bought from a friendly vendor on the way home. If you’re going to be a douche on a date at least check the other person is safe, especially when they made the effort to travel to you.

Okay, sounding bitter, moving on.

Why bother dating?

Dates can leave you frustrated and pissed off but they can also have you brushing your fingertips across your lips with happy recent memories as you grin all the way home.  Have I mentioned Stallion Stan?

Please tell me either in the comments section or via my Facebook page or Twitter page about your first dates; the good the bad and the ugly.  We’ve had the bad but look out for the next blog post when I share the story of one of the best first dates I’ve ever had.

One Year Anniversary

The Boyfriend Gets a Mention

I’ve blogged about past dates on and off for the last year but have always tried to refrain from mentioning my boyfriend.

But today I’m changing that.

Boyfriend kissFor one blog post only

Today is our year anniversary and that is a  big deal for us. I’d never had a proper boyfriend before him. He’d never had a relationship longer than a couple of months before me and neither of us are young enough for that to be “normal”. For the two years I was online dating he was the first guy to get beyond three dates. Every guy on my blog has a nickname. On the rare times I tweeted about him he was Snake Man.

These days I call him Banjo.

Banjo

Tonight we’re recreating our first date, only this time we’re getting the bus together, going to the bar where I changed into my date shoes together and we’ll go back to mine together too.

Sometimes you read people’s relationship beginnings and they talk about an instant spark, a heady romance, how they were inseparable from the first hello.

It wasn’t like that with Banjo.

But before I get into that I’ll tell you about before our dinner date. Dating, especially online dating, can be soul destroying. You get hurt, jaded, confidence drops and sometimes you have to take a break – which never seems to last as long as you thought it would.

I’d been through it all but a year ago I was in a good place. I’d had my dating break and I knew that whatever happened it would be okay. I liked me again.

On the date we chatted and he was nice but there was no major spark. But there was no reason not to meet again either. In the past I would have said after one, maybe two dates, if it wasn’t setting me alight then it wasn’t worth continuing but I gave him a chance.

He asked me out again.

Second date. The bad date.

I wanted him to give me those accidental touches that made me feel something. None of that. In fact, during the date, he took me to a cookware shop because he needed a new oven dish!

I joke now that I got a better response from the cute stranger who passed me at the end of the date than I did from Banjo. But it’s no joke. He seemed to have no attraction to me and I walked back to my car disheartened.

Had Banjo texted me that day asking me out again it would have been a no. But he didn’t. He sent me general texts and being polite I replied. When he asked me out for a third date two days later I couldn’t say no, I’d texted myself into a corner.

The third date happened and still no spark but there was still no reason not to date. As it happens he was feeling the same. The best thing about that date was I caught my first Pikachu on the way home.

Fourth Date

I have no reason why we went on a fourth date, except he asked me. I wanted to do something different and he was on board. We started with pudding then went to a comedy show, then went out for poppadoms.

This date changed everything for him. Suddenly he felt that spark. He put his arm around me during the comedy show and I felt something but I wasn’t sure it was enough. But it wasn’t enough to stop dating either. I’d never given any guy this many chances.

I remember that my friends, family and even twitter were crucial for me in those days. I was regularly expressing my confusion and getting a variety of advice back. Thank you to all who listened to my ramblings during this time. I owe you.

Date 4.5 happened. I was writing in a coffee shop and he asked if he could join me for half an hour. He was keen but I was still struggling with mixed feelings.

Date Five

It was suddenly upon us and it was during this date that I decided I had to tell him it wasn’t working. During the date he said he didn’t like to be teased. I love to be teased. Clearly we weren’t right for each other.

He was lovely and caring but I couldn’t keep this endless round of dates going. It was time to say goodbye.

In the car, outside my house, we talked for an hour. I explained how I felt and for the first time I saw a very different Banjo. He was funny, sexy and relaxed. The tension had gone. The Banjo in front of me was a guy I’d be happy to get to know better.

And so I did.

Within a fortnight he’d cooked me a roast – that’s a big deal for someone who never saw her dad cook for her mum! I stayed over at his house because he wanted me there and I didn’t want to go home. He even gave me my own toothbrush head!

He met my best friend. We spent my birthday together, we took our first selfie. He tolerated me shouting the pisstake “relationship goals” at him at random opportunities.

BoyfriendBut also I’d never been in a relationship before and I was terrified. We worked through it and all the other issues. Life has moved on and somehow we’ve made it to a year.

Banjo isn’t my obvious type but he’s not the opposite of it either. He’s the man I want to be with and he has something that I always said I needed in a guy but never believed I’d find.

He’s patient.

I can be annoying, grumpy, hard work and exhausting. I also think I’m funny as f***. He puts up with everything and he revels in it too, albeit with a bit of a sigh at times.

Is he perfect? Hell no. Am I? Ummmm.

He even puts up with my incessant need to spank him on the bum whenever he bends even slightly. A “No,” might roar from his mouth, between chuckles, as he quickly tries to get from under his desk because he’s heard my footsteps sprinting across the wooden floor.

We’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve learnt what a relationship means to us. At the moment we’re debating moving in together. In some ways it’s a no-brainer but we’re also protective of our space. I believe it will happen before the end of the year but who knows? We may not be together in a year, I’m clueless about this stuff.

What has this relationship taught me?

That a lot of what happens in the dating world is luck. I know we’d never have met each other in real life. At any point we could have said in our early days of dating that it wasn’t working. And if I’d met him three years earlier I probably would have given up before 4/5 dates. When it comes to dating we can be quick to find the faults and not the good points, even in a profile.

Love dating boyfriendThere are no hard and fast rules in dating. Every situation is different. I’m glad we gave each other a chance when not many had given either of us chances before. I got lucky and so did he.

Honestly, I never expected to find a boyfriend that I liked. I went on a lot of dates but I’m genuinely surprised I ended up with someone. I got lucky.

Sorry if you found this post soppy, annoying or a waste of time.

But for once I wanted to talk about my boyfriend Banjo. If you want to share your own dating stories or thoughts then you can do it via the comments section or via my Facebook page or Twitter page.