Why this time?
Frequently when it came to dating I’d wonder what went wrong.
There is one guy that stands out when it comes to “What went wrong”. Let’s call him Wizard Steve.
He was one of the good ones, at least I think so. It’s hard to say, even with hindsight. Maybe I’m a naive idiot.
From our initial messages we got on great. Steve wasn’t like a lot of guys I’d had chatted to before, he seemed friendly and respectful. He could be flirty and yet talk about things that weren’t just about sex. We shared all kinds of stories. He told me all about his kids and what his hopes and dreams were for the future. When he got a message from me he said he was happy to hear from me and even put himself out there by sharing some of his poetry. I don’t think any of this was a line.
We did talk about meeting up but at the time it was difficult to set a definite date as he was in the first weeks of his masters and his kids were being problematic. After a couple of weeks he started to message less. I didn’t let this phase me, I guess in those days I had a lot more hope and a lots less experience.
But then came that one night.
Lying in bed, sick with a bug, I heard my phone beep. It was Steve and he wasn’t his normal self.
Steve: I was wondering if you were free tonight. I want to invite you over so that I can make love to you all night.
What the Fuck?
It didn’t sound like something he would say and although it was an interesting invitation it wasn’t my style. I wasn’t looking for a hook-up. And being ill in bed meant I wasn’t going anywhere anyway.
The texts continued for an hour or so. Steve sent unexpected messages including thoughts he’d had about me and the different, more flirty and sexual times he’d imagined me.
The intentions behind the following messages didn’t give me cause for concern but as the messages continued so did my thoughts on this change.
Was he drunk? It didn’t seem like it. There weren’t lots of mistakes.
Had someone stolen his phone? That didn’t sound feasible either as Steve seemed to know me from the things he said in the messages.
Eventually we tried to do a bit of sexting. This was something we hadn’t done before as he’d seemed wary but it was as if he was possessed that night.
Steve was a poetic man and yet the words and flow seemed to be a struggle for him. Instead of it being fun it was becoming stilted and clumsy.
Steve: This isn’t working. I’m not enjoying it.
In all honestly neither was I but I don’t give up easily and I thought encouragement might help. Did I mention that I’m an idiot?
Vera: That’s a shame, I’m enjoying it.
Steve: I’m sorry but I don’t think you are. We should stop this. Goodbye.
Vera: It sounds like you’re saying goodbye for good.
Steve: I am. Good luck with what you’re looking for and goodbye.
And he was gone. That was it. I never heard from him again.
What had happened? What went wrong?
About a month later his name popped up on Facebook as someone I might know, it turned out that we had a friend in common.
Can you guess what I did?
That’s right. Cringe on my behalf if you must but I spoke to this mutual friend about him, searching for some answers. Maybe I’d find out if he was a drug addict, still married or a bit of a player. But she said nothing like that, in fact she uttered, “You two would be great together”.
Again I was left with the question, what went wrong?
- Wizard Steve was drunk but good at hiding it.
- He was bored.
- He wanted to get laid and because I couldn’t come over he was disappointed, deciding to get himself off before ditching me.
- Steve suspected I was talking to other guys at the same time and didn’t like it. He’d be right, for some of the conversation I had been. Yeah, I know, I’m an idiot.
- A friend had got hold of his phone and was doing the talking for him.
- His date that evening had cancelled and in his sadness and/or annoyance he decided to move on to me, realising halfway through out chat that I wasn’t what he wanted. Or maybe someone else had called round after all.