Boredom and Loneliness and Staying Focused on Your Goal

In the last blog post, B is for Boredom, I talked about some of the reasons we join dating sites. Although B is for Boredom, this is really more about staying focused on your goals and remaining honest about them.

If we lose our focus then we run into problems. To explain this I shall tell you about Slick Dick.

Boredom and Loneliness

boredom and lonelinessSlick Dick was a guy I met on one of the paid dating sites. I will discuss later the people we can find on the multitude of sites, including the ones more likely to be frequented by those who are looking for a night of fun or a lifetime of happiness. Guys like Dick weren’t normally found on the paid sites.

He was on the rebound; it was obvious, eventually. Sadly, even the obvious is difficult to see when your eyes are focusing on an attractive face and a heart-stopping smile. The guy was gorgeous. Anyway, I shouldn’t get side-tracked, that was the problem in the first place. I suspect Dick may have been hurt, come out of a long-term relationship and didn’t really know what possibilities were out there. He was a fast learner. Dick was easy to talk to, a bit shy but still good at flirting. He could make you feel as sexy as a woman in a Justin Timberlake song and have I mentioned…hot hot hot! Sadly, he became wise to this pretty quickly. Overnight he went from a relatively innocent charmer who wanted to go on a date, to someone who would mess with your head in a bad way.

From Shy to Slick

Days before we were due to meet I came down with flu. So we rescheduled. Slick was suddenly only free on one day within the next three weeks. And the location would have to be within a short distance from where he lived because his puppy (not a euphemism) couldn’t be left alone. The holiday he had from work was nearly over and I was told several times “my hands are tied”.

The date was scheduled for three days’ time but as it got closer the once shy Slick was becoming very cocky. It turned out that the original plan of a nice meal and maybe walking his dog was not enough anymore. Slick explained to me that I was a sure thing and during this date we would be having sex. I was adamant that was not the case. It shocked him completely, so much so that he must have lost the ability to use his phone. The texts swiftly reduced to nearly non-existent, unless his horn rose up in his pants.

The date never happened. The day slot he could fit me into turned into an afternoon that would involve less time than I would spend driving there and back. Then the afternoon got postponed and two days later I was ghosted (see G is for Ghosting later in this series). I almost did something very stupid for a pretty face. You’d think I would only need to learn that lesson once but sadly not; I forget it approximately every six months.

Stay Focussed

Maybe I should give Slick the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he met someone in the meantime and didn’t know how to tell me.

But I was left wondering, what changed?

Dick initially seemed to be a slightly innocent and sweet guy. I guess he could have been really good at playing games and I was just as good at not seeing them. However, I suspect Slick got a lot more attention than he expected when he started internet dating and began to believe his own hype.

Lots of girls would have been into Dick. I could be wrong but what drew me closer to this thought was when he accidentally sent me the photo of another girl he was talking to instead of the photo he was trying to send. Bless him, he couldn’t think of a lie quick enough to explain who she was. Maybe he was just more Dick than Slick.

LonelinessWe can all get carried away with the attention we get when we first join sites. I’m sure I’ve overlooked potentials because of a pretty face, a seductive comment and the odd kiss ass. I hope Slick Dick eventually found what he was looking for and had an enjoyable time doing it.

Your Reasons are Not Their Reasons

A very wise person once told me that in life we never know what someone else is thinking and that seems especially true when it comes to online dating.

We might be chatting to someone who is trying to bring some excitement into their life while their spouse sleeps soundly in another room. It might be that a potential has been cheated on and they’re searching for desperately needed validation. Or we could be in contact with a scared and lonely virgin who has never had a first kiss let alone a boyfriend or girlfriend.

We will never truly know what’s going on in the head of the person we’re chatting to and what their motives are for joining the dating sites. Only we can decide what we believe and if the situation is worth it.

What are your reasons for online dating? Ever been seduced by a Slick Dick? Let us know on our Facebook page or below in the comments.

B is for…Boredom

Boredom can be a bit of a dating plague but…you’re doing internet dating and have done for a while. So let me ask you something as we hit B.

Why did you start internet dating?

b is for boredomSit, think, maybe boil the kettle, grab yourself a digestive and have a really good contemplative moment.

Why did you join the site(s) you’re on, why did you decide to download that app or come up with that weird username that you spent about half an hour thinking about? Why did you search through all your photos to find the one that made you look hotter than normal but still vaguely like yourself? Do you remember the day you spent hours trying to take the flawless Kim Kardashian selfie? Maybe you were picking the perfect outfit, you know the one that hides your protruding belly, gives your boobs that lift, suggests you have a six pack or makes you look hilarious (delete as appropriate).

All this effort must have been for a reason. Unless you didn’t put any effort into the process at all. Shame on you, you know who you are.

There’s no point being worried or ashamed. If there was a reason what was it? Say it in your head right now.

Go on, say it.

Reasons for Internet Dating

It’s safe to say that people do internet dating for a multitude of reasons. Here are some of mine from the last couple of years:

• Because I wanted to find love
• Because I wanted to feel turned on
• Because I missed texting guys
• Because I wanted to go on dates
• Because I was hurting
• Because I wanted to feel attractive
• Because I wanted to find a boyfriend

I can’t say I’m proud of all of those reasons, in fact until I started writing them down I’d probably never admitted some of them.

Maybe yours are more varied and surprising. Some of the reasons from guys I’ve spoken to have included:
• To get laid
• To have sex
• To shove their cock in someone

I’m joking, I know there are more reasons that that, although I expect sex is frequently in the back of our minds.

Real reasons have included:
• Boredom
• Wanting a spouse
• Loneliness
• Feeling ugly
• Wanting a baby
• Being on the rebound
• Not able to pick up a potential in “real life”, maybe because they’re busy, not confident
• Told to by their mates or signed up by mates
• To move on in life
• Finding someone to do things with at weekends
• To stop hurting
• To meet new people
• Wanting someone to care about them
• Wanting to feel accepted for who they are
• Sex, sex and of course sex

boredomB is for Boredom

When it comes to online dating we need to remember our reasons for doing it and stay focused on them. If you want sex then focus on that, if you want a boyfriend or girlfriend then don’t forget it.

I mentioned in the title of this post that B is for Boredom and that is a genuine reason for many to pursue online dating. We don’t like to be bored, especially as boredom can lead to loneliness. It’s as valid a reason as any other to try online dating. In the next post, I’ll tell you about Slick Dick and how he went from a seemingly nice, honest guy looking to escape loneliness to a person who lost that focus, leaving me and possibly others in the lurch due to his lack of honesty about his new found goals.

I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)

In the last blog post (Let’s Start at the Very Beginning: A is for…), we were talking about preferences and why I don’t refer to them as fetishes. I mentioned that what turns one person on may be terrifying to another.

One guy told me that he liked to watch his partner have sex with someone else while he wanked himself off. The woman was his “own personal pornstar”. He’d actually acted this preference out with his ex-wife, twice. I was shocked and must have been obvious about it because we didn’t speak much after that.

I’d Do Anything for Love…Maybe?

Depending on who we are and what we’re into, a potential may share a preference that initially freaks us out. But, eventually, after more details are shared, we might start to consider it and not run for the hills while voice dialling the nearest mental health worker.

Let me introduce you to Peter Wang who I dated for a while.

Peter Wang was one of those rare joys that you find in a guy. Games and manipulation weren’t part of his repertoire, and I imagined that he could be a best friend for life. Peter was always there for me. Nights spent apart, he’d ask me to call when I was safely home and he’d phone when he was on his way home too.

But there was a query: was Peter boyfriend material?

Peter Pan Syndrome

Sadly, the answer was a resounding “no”. I struggled with physical and sexual attraction when it came to Peter. Even though we were similar ages he had a concerning level of immaturity. Peter was a loveable geek and I liked that side of him. But there were still things that put me off, including the teen posters still tacked to his wall and the realisation he had more sci-fi toys and merchandise than floor space. Getting to the single bed was quite a struggle. Maybe you’re thinking, “Give the guy a break, living with your parents and dating is hard in your early twenties”. I agree, but this guy was nearly thirty and he lived with friends.

fetishMaybe I’m doing him a disservice, because he really made me laugh and gave me a love and respect that was rare in life. Finally, I felt like a prize that only the best deserved. I felt sexually attractive in a way I’d never felt before. The night we spent just sleeping in bed resulted in him being so permanently hard that he uttered, “Oh my God, if this carries on I think I’m going to need to see a doctor!”

Unfortunately, all he got that night was a giggle.

When you’ve met as many dickheads as I had, Peter seemed special. Sadly it didn’t work out because sometimes it just doesn’t. And I used to wistfully wonder, “Is he still in Neverland refusing to grow up?”

WAM Bam…

WAM sploshingOne of the reasons for the lack of long-term relationship wasn’t his preference. You may have heard of WAM before but, until Peter confessed this fantasy I hadn’t. How people’s minds work and what turns them on left me stunned.

WAM is “wet and messy play.” Before your mind spirals in numerous directions, as mine may have done, stop! We’re not talking urine and faeces in the bedroom. Have you ever watched someone get a custard pie in the face and found yourself getting hard? Maybe the thought of bringing gunge into the bedroom makes you wet with excitement? No? Then you’re not into WAM.

For some it’s the image of gloop running down the face, falling between the breasts. For others, it’s the idea of being covered in a messy, sticky substance that isn’t cum. But then another group of people enjoy the anticipation, the anxiety that goes with the possibility that it might happen, the fear and excitement that accompanies being humiliated in public. Imagine people watching and laughing as you’re gunged with the man or woman of your dreams. That can be a massive preference, one that people aren’t always keen to share.

…Thank You Ma’am

I was never fully sure which aspect of WAM turned Peter on the most. And I didn’t get his preference myself. It wasn’t for me.

With potentials and partners we might be willing to do some things we find unusual. That might include putting all our effort into blow jobs when we don’t enjoy them, sticking something up our arse or dressing up as a superhero, secretary or soldier.

For Peter Wang’s future girlfriend it may mean custard pies and gunge in the shower. I never went there but she might be more willing.

I’ll leave you with this question: how far would you go or how far have you already gone for someone you care about or love?

When Meatloaf said he would “do anything for love but I won’t do that” I wonder if he was talking about WAM or anal?

Tell me how far you’ve gone either here or on the Facebook page. You don’t have to share the gory details – just let us know how far you went out of your comfort zone and if it was worth it.

Let’s Start at the Very Beginning: A is for…

I don’t think you’ll guess…

After the many guys I’ve chatted with and the dates I’ve been on I thought I’d put my knowledge to good use by sharing it with others. As you may have already realised, my style is very much tongue-in-cheek. It’s safe to say I’m not a relationship guru, so if you’re hoping that by the end of reading these blog posts you’ll be magically married and ready to pop a baby out then you should probably look elsewhere. But if you want a bit of a giggle at real life stories while learning some of the things to watch out for online then keep reading.

While all these stories are based on real life events I’ve changed the names of the men and women involved. For the occasional story, some of the details and the gender of the people involved has been changed too. I’ve done it to protect the innocent and the guilty and in some cases give a little chuckle too.

Enjoy the stories and heed the advice, if it’s relevant. It might result in you looking at all the people you see on the street in a completely new way.

A is for Anal and other preferences

I don’t want to start our reader/writer friendship in a bad place but there’s something I need to tell you, something I can’t hide for much longer. There is something you should know and it may ruin what we’re already working on here…

The thing is, can I really say it…?

I guess I have to tell you that my name is Rebecca and I am…

…someone who doesn’t understand what’s so great about anal.

analI know many people, men and women, love it. I get told about it often and even cajoled (unsuccessfully) into trying it. One guy even suggested starting me off with a finger. Thankfully he kept his fingers to himself. Personally, when it comes to that preference, I don’t get it.

But the one thing we have to accept is that everyone has their own preferences. And the ecstasy or abject terror that goes with internet dating is that we’re opening our metaphorical and sometimes literal door to those preferences. This door might reveal a horny bugger who will happily stick it in the usual holes or a woman who will want her areas caressed before you get close. It might also mean meeting those who have a thing for the slightly more unusual.

What are Preferences?

If we’re willing to discover the joys and mysteries of internet dating, especially the more unusual sites, then we’ll hear from some of life’s crazy creatures. The beauty of chatting to such a range of people is that we may discover ‘preferences’ we didn’t know we had. And suddenly we’re opening our world to a new and exciting chapter of our lives.

Note to reader – you may be wondering why I keep saying preferences when I could easily be using the word fetishes. When it comes to preferences it can cover everything from kissing in the ear to wearing a collar and being led around the garden. In Ancient Rome giving fellatio, i.e. performing oral sex on someone was abhorrent. Nowadays, that is probably as tame as sex can get. Is oral sex a fetish? I have friends who think oral is not their thing and a pretty disgusting act whereas others find it mundane. So what is a preference to one person can be the work of the devil to another and a normal part of the day to someone else. Fetish seems to be associated with judgement and so I’m going with preference. It’s up to you how you see it.

What About Spanking?

anal and spankingMy internet dating life has brought me into contact with a variety of guys with a massive range of preferences. I know what I like but it doesn’t stop others trying to convince me I’m weird. One example was a guy called Bob Ajob, who didn’t get past the texting stage. We had a message conversation that went something like:

Bob: So what turns you on?

Me: Different things, it depends on the situation, location, etc.

Bob: What about spanking?

Me: Doesn’t really do it for me to be honest.

Bob: Seriously?

Me: Yep.

Bob: I’ve never met a woman who doesn’t like to be spanked.

(At this point I spend a couple of moments questioning my preferences. Am I weird, am I the only woman in the world who doesn’t like being spanked, is there something wrong with me?)

Me: You’re joking, right?

Bob: No, every woman loves it. Every woman I’ve ever met. I can’t believe you’re not into it.

We’re All Unique

We’re getting to know people, putting a bit of ourselves out there and as a result we may end up questioning what we think we know. Every individual is unique and as a result into different things. There might be potentials out there that make phone sex sound like the most appealing thing you can do with your mouth… well, maybe the second most appealing thing. For some women it can be a fulfilling experience that utilises a verbal dexterity that has you coming in seconds. Apparently, Irish accents are particularly enlightening, especially when coupled with intelligent linguistic ability. Other potentials may say that unless you’ve been urinated on during foreplay then you haven’t lived.

Basically, anything can be preference. I’ve had conversations on role play, locations, positions, what they wanted to watch me do and how stiletto heels and wet look leggings should be my only clothing option! As it happens, I don’t look like Rihanna in that ensemble. Instead I look like a freak on stilts wearing a pair of shiny, skin tight bin bags that bring out hives. Think Ross in “Friends” wearing leather trousers. Not pretty and certainly not a prequel to any sexy fun.

In the next blog post we’ll continue with the letter A and this idea of preferences and what may be hot for one person will make another person run as far and as fast as they can in the opposite direction.

Don’t forget to share your thoughts and own stories in the comments section, on Twitter or on Facebook.

What is the A-Z of Dating?

A-Z of DatingMy online dating had to start somewhere…I’ve been doing online dating properly for the last couple of years, on and off. During this time, I’ve met all sorts of potentials; i.e. the people I chat to online, maybe go on a date with. They’re potential partners, conquests, spouses and everything else in between.

It has been a thrill ride at times. I’ve chatted to a lot of men by text, and some lucky bastards have even made it past the screening process and met me! In fact every so often I meet someone special who gives me the hope that I might find what I’m looking for.

A-Z of Dating

This led me to write a book that covers the last two serious years of my dating life as well as some attempts before that when I was completely clueless and pretending to be someone I wasn’t.

Instead of publishing it immediately (something I will probably do in the future), I thought I would share the best bits here on my blog.

It’s a scary world out there but I hope this “book” will be like someone holding your hand as you attempt to discover it for yourself. I’ve been there and I know a lot of the pitfalls.

Answers to Some of Your Online Dating Questions

There’s something for everyone online, a variety of sites, apps, potentials and preferences (also known as fetishes). So, whether you’re looking for a one night stand, love, companionship or anything else then it’s out there.

  • But how do you go about finding what you want?
  • What site do you use?
  • What do you put on your profile?
  • What do you say when you want to chat potentials up?
  • What do you do when they reply?
  • And what do you do when they send you a dick pic/fanny photo?

I’ll be sharing some of the answers to those questions and probably some things that will make you want to cover your eyes and bleach your brain!

In this A-Z you’ll find lots of real life dating experiences from myself and my friends. There’s information about the different potentials in the fish pond and how to approach them. Online dating has changed a lot over the years. These are some things I wish I’d known before I started.

Alternatively, you may already have a partner. Maybe you’re glancing over at them, seething because they didn’t give you the perfect birthday present this year, forgot to get the shopping you asked for three times, or never try different positions while you ache to experiment. For you I say read this and maybe it will help you appreciate what you have.

Keep checking back for updates and please share your own experiences, either here or on my Facebook page.

I Don’t Do Hook Ups… Can’t Say That Anymore (Part 2)

This is the second part of a recent blog post: I Don’t Do Hook Ups… Can’t Say That Anymore (Part 1). Several weeks ago I was horny as hell and not wanting to date some random, unknown guy to get rid of it. Instead I propositioned a previous date. This guy, Rubber Johnny (name changed to protect the innocent/guilty), had no intention of long term because of his own baggage. To find out more about what brought me to contacting him, click the link above.

But moving on.

The day arrived.

Preparation was key.

Best Laid Plans…

hook upsUnfortunately, however much you prepare things go wrong. A mixture of a sore throat and leaving the hair removal cream on for too long sent me into an initial panic. Was that too much information?

I certainly wasn’t feeling the excitement, the nerves were slowly eating away at me, “what if he was a dick about it”, “what if I couldn’t go through with it”, “what if he still looks like a gay pirate?” But I pushed them to one side and drove to his home, mostly undeterred.

On the drive I felt the flourish of excitement that’s familiar before a first date. Usually it’s clouded with nerves because I’m also worrying about the unknown. But then I was yo-yoing emotionally again. Fear and nerves still took over, unsettling my belly like a gone-off yoghurt.

Although I knew we were going to watch a movie and chill out for a bit it was still a hook up. This was completely against character. My sister hadn’t seemed impressed when I told her. What would some of my more overprotective friends think? Would I be okay with their judgements? But that wasn’t the only concern; what if I couldn’t keep it casual and I fell for him again? I didn’t want to spend another evening sobbing over the guy. That had been a shitty Christmas Eve.

Overcoming the Fear

Fears continued to rattle round my head as we met and walked to his lounge. Hearing him grumble about his neighbours, the recycling boxes and the dickheads at work brought my fantasies crashing down. The reality is, when it’s not a date, when you’re, to some extent, a sure thing then there’s no “best behaviour”, the need to impress is unnecessary and while I felt respected I also felt like I was just a hook up. But that’s what I wanted, right?

RJ was awkward in my presence, although now in hindsight I think that’s just who he is, an awkward guy. When he was out of the room and I put my gum in the bin he came rushing back in asking what the noise was. This wasn’t how I’d remembered him.

But, sat in front of the movie, snuggled up together I could tell, unexpectedly, that the chemistry was still there. My body was humming harder than a room full of bees when I felt his hand rest on my bum before he started stroking it with a gentle caress.

The slight touches were exciting, the kissing intense and everything else was… private. But just so you know, the non-sex hook up was kind of glorious. Aspects of our time together will feature in my erotic romance writing, I’m sure of it.

Lessons Learned from my Hook Up

Later, when I was driving home, I realised:

I’m glad I did what I did, no regrets, BUT I’m never doing it again. I enjoyed what we did but there was a coldness to it, it was a little soulless. It meant nothing. It became a series of acts with a guy who was good at kissing and other stuff but I needed more than that. I like the excitement that goes with fancying someone, the uncertainty of a furtive look, the “accidental” brush of hands over dinner, the hope that they might kiss you and the blissful feeling when you realise you had one of those dates that will stay with you for days.

friends with benefitsI like the intimacy that’s accompanied by an attraction of the brain and the body. I’m somewhat reluctant to say I’m a romantic. It was a hook up and I mostly enjoyed it, although I still had to imagine myself with someone else to fully build the excitement. Is that messed up?

  • RJ was still a nice guy. He built up my body confidence and was bloody brilliant at what he did with the rest of me.
  • I’m not happy being single but I want a relationship, not a one off and that can take time. I need to put in the effort rather than expect some dream boyfriend to turn up on my doorstep.
  • I’ve finally got RJ out of my system. I didn’t even realise he was still there, from Christmas, until I walked away. While great in his own way he’d never been worth losing tears over.
  • It was a goodbye for good. Although he treated me with respect and care I don’t want to go back.
  • Hook ups aren’t for me

I Don’t Do Hook Ups… Can’t Say That Anymore (Part 1)

I Don’t Do Hook Ups, I Don’t Do Hook Ups…

One of my life mantras is “I don’t do hook ups”. I know my mind; I need trust when any form of sexual contact is involved, my instincts can block intimacy and I have, on occasion, got easily attached when I’ve really liked a guy.

So, I don’t do hook ups and that has worked out well for me. But recently I was faced with a problem. Several weeks ago I was hornier than a male student living with a team of nude cheerleaders and the horniness wouldn’t go away. Hot guys passed through my dreams throughout the day and night. My previous experiences would revisit me as vivid memories; at work, the gym, while sitting in traffic. Meanwhile current fantasies formed out of nowhere; guys on the train kissing me slowly, the man at karaoke dancing intimately with me (those are the PG ones).

What could I do?

I considered my options:

  • I could go on a night out into town and hope to meet a random guy I found attractive was up for some fun with me. Getting him to come home with me would be easy, right? I’ve never done that before, I’m rubbish at reading signs on a night out and I always get the weird ones following me around, trying to get in my pants.
  • Online dating hook upsOn Bumble I was getting many requests for no strings sex, maybe I could just agree to one of those.
  • I was also building up some interesting connections online for first dates, maybe I could just forgo the usual getting to know each other part and have a bit of a fumble.

I Don’t Do Hook Ups!

The problem is that all these options it meant meeting with a stranger. I needed a level of trust and chemistry already established. It led me to the only option I could conceive of, other than abstinence, his name was Rubber Johnny (names have been changed to protect the innocent/guilty). Last December I went on a date with RJ. The chemistry was overwhelming, he had me quivering from the moment he touched my leg. What had started with drinks had ended with some no-sex fun back at his place several hours later. But because he had major baggage, details of which have since been explained to me, he didn’t want more. A couple of days before we originally met he’d told me that he wasn’t interested in long term but like a fool I thought I could change him. Didn’t I learn anything from my mum’s rambling lectures?

But back to a month ago. RJ had already been in contact and suggested meeting up again, for kissing purposes only. I was adamant to anyone that listened that it wasn’t going to happen and yet secretly I was toying with the idea that it could. But I didn’t do things like that… did I?

Horny for a Hook Up

Eventually the horniness got so that I couldn’t focus on anything but my own boisterous, unyielding needs. It was then, after a week of overthinking, I sent him a propositioning message.

At best, he was unsure. After all, he explained, I’d said no many times. Besides,hadn’t I also told him when we first met that I got attached easily. Yep, he was quoting me. The beauty of RJ was that I knew where he stood when it came to hook ups, I trusted he’d stop when I wanted to and from our previous date I knew the chemistry was there. I felt it was better than going on a date with a random guy and being disappointed, doing something I regretted or ignoring the chance to get to know them because I needed a fix of endorphins.

That argument seemed to be the convincer and so we agreed to meet.

But what happened next? Did he go through with it, did I change my mind, did we fall madly in love?

I’ll save that for my next post, stay tuned…

Insecurities and Taking the Lead, First Date

Sometimes when we’ve been doing this online dating malarkey for a while we can forget that we’re not the only insecure person
doing it.

I have my confident moments but there are also times when I wonder why a guy hasn’t returned my message, why the date we’ve talked about hasn’t been put in the diary or if the man has found someone “better”. We all have our low moments and dating can eat at our confidence, plaguing these insecure times before sending us spiralling, questioning every aspect of ourselves. There are players, idiots and damaged people out there; male and female, but they’re not the only people on online dating sites.

Online Dating insecurities

Dano insecuritiesThis brings me to my date last weekend. A first date. I’m going to call him Fuck ‘Em Dano or Dano for short. Not because he was a guy who fucked around but because he looked like Paul Dano, the actor from War and Peace and There Will Be Blood.

Dano was nervous. Initially he hid it well, so well I was thinking that something was wrong with the date or maybe he wasn’t interested in me. However, as the date continued I realised that the uncomfortable silences were because he felt awkward and didn’t know what to say. It was like a dance and he couldn’t hear the rhythm of the music let alone have the skills to take the lead. Dano just didn’t know what to say and so he said some unusual things for a first date. These included, “Am I really weird?” “I know this sounds stupid but…” “I’ve made this awkward…”

It became one of those dates where I was the confident one and had to offer many reassurances. But I found a way to bring him free from his nerves. I made, yes made, him ask me questions, any questions he liked and I promised to answer. For some reason it worked like a charm.

Dano even shyly told me that the noises we’d heard earlier, while eating, were the urinals. Sheepishly explaining that the position of them meant that he’d had to wee near where my head would have been. Then he blushed.

The guy was adorable and his respect of me endearing. Also, he made me laugh. I can’t abide dates where I don’t laugh, I am a chuckler even in the most unlikely situations. I’m talking funerals.

But there were two problems from my date:

Flirting tango1) I don’t think he knows how to flirt or if he does then he doesn’t seem to understand when I’m doing it. I can be cheeky and naughty on good dates but he never took my lead. None of the questions he asked me were naughty. I did explain to him that I wrote romance books with sex in them but there wasn’t any response to that. It was unusual for me to have a man in front of me that doesn’t join in my naughtiness but I’m hoping I can draw him in that direction. It’s as if we were doing an awkward tango but I’m the lead dancer.

2) There was no spark and very little chemistry. Dano suggested he was on his best behaviour for our date, which might have explained some of the lack of chemistry. But during our time together I wasn’t hoping I would get that first kiss or wondering what an accidental touch of his hand to any part of my body would feel like.

I write erotic romance and while I don’t believe that a real life book boyfriend is suddenly going to appear when I first meet a guy I have had those dates where the attraction and chemistry have filled my mind and formed my fantasies.

So what now?

I am going on a second date with Dano. He asked almost immediately and I’m hoping he’ll have less nerves, which will make for more fun and relaxed chatter. But I’m not holding out too many hopes either. Dano, my toyboy by five years, is a nice guy and I want to like him. I want to fancy him but I can’t force something that isn’t there.

Have you ever been in this situation yourself?

What would you do?