(Pokemon) Go For Me

pokemonPokemon Go is back in the news as it is one of the standout successes of 2016 and has had a recent upgrade that has got people playing again. It was initially an app that took over the world in the summer. Suddenly parks were swelled with crowds. People were camped out  and flicking their phones at unusual intervals. Others traipsed around town and city centres, heads bowed and oblivious to anything but a poke stop or another creature. Worse than bumping into strangers was the prospect of running out of balls or having even a Pidgey run away from you.

I confess I also became addicted to the game. Not only did it entertain me for hours but I even got asked out as a result of it. While playing Pokemon Go on a train a guy suddenly told me how much he liked gamer girls and then asked me out for a drink!

But there was more. Pokemon Go, and the memory of an ex who I knew would love that the game, inspired my free story Go For Me – the working title was Pokemon Go For Me. You can read an excerpt here on a previous post for Masturbation Monday. Warning – it’s dirty.

Go For Me: A short tale of erotic romance

go for me pokemonHolly has become addicted to playing Pokemon Go on her phone. She pretends it’s because she likes the game but really it reminds her of Lewis, the geeky guy who broke her heart. One night something unusual happens. Holly is lured, through the tricks of the game, to places she and Lewis had significant moments in their relationship. From the supermarket where they first met, fighting over a Star Wars droid, to the park where they had mind blowing sex after he played her the song he’d written for her. All the lures and memories seem to be leading her somewhere significant. But who is in control of this night and what will she find at the last location?

This short story is over 9,000 words and contains sexual situations and language only suitable for those aged 18+

 

It is available for free and can be downloaded as an epub file, mobi file or as a pdf

Click here to download (Pokemon) Go For Me epub version

Click here to download (Pokemon) Go For Me mobi version

Click here to download Pokemon Go For Me pdf version

Masturbation Monday – Go For Me

masturbation mondayMasturbation Monday

I’ve wanted to get involved with Masturbation Monday (thank you Kayla Lords for organising it every week) for some time now but never had the right story, excerpt or idea to post, until today.

Recently I started playing Pokemon Go and as with most things in my life it inspired a story of love and sex. Please find an excerpt of (Pokemon) Go For Me below. You can read it for free via Literotica or via my news or books page.

 

go for me pokemonThere were questions she attempted to form in her mind; how had he got the mini golf to open, was there anyone around? But none of it mattered when arousal filled every vein and her body quivered against him.

Edging him backwards, she lightly pushed him to the ground, making her intentions clear.

“You want to do it here?”

Holly nodded slowly, aware that her teeth were showing beneath the edges of her smile. Every part of him brought her joy but she’d never been as hungry for him as she was in that moment. The days without him made her want to consume him in a frenzy. She forced herself to relish every touch of his skin, each tickle of her senses. It was foolish to hope the intimacy would heal the last month of suffering but she had faith anyway.

The look of awe was on Lewis’ face again as his eyes swept up her form. Her feet were either side of him, her body poised and ready.

“What do you want?” I’m offering him the world, will he take it?

“I want you to scream my name until you’re hoarse. I want the wind to pick up the sounds of our love making. I want it to carry to those who will have blessing in their lives because they’ll learn what pleasure is just by hearing us.”

“How poetic,” she teased, her belief in their immediate future aiding her in relinquishing her fears, helping her to be whole again.

“And I want to be inside you.” His longing touched her more intimately than any of the recent touches she’d tried to give herself.

“You’d best take my knickers off me then.”

Leaning forward his lips brushed against her skin, worshipping the only part of her he could reach with his mouth. Lewis’ hands reached round and slowly slid up her calves, resting temporarily on the backs of her knees where he drew soft circles with the tips of his fingers.

It was as if everywhere he touched became an erogenous zone but only because of her lust for him. The hands slid higher, reaching under the hem of her flimsy dress before slowly caressing her bum cheeks.

A finger leisurely stroked across her lace covered entrance. Holly hissed in surprise.

“You’re meant to be removing them, not enjoying how they feel,” she said between gritted teeth.

The only response was another lazy stroke before he grabbed the waistband and dragged the lace down.

masturbation mondayLewis allowed her to step out of them before returning his hands to her arse. With great control he squeezed each cheek, as if discovering each fleshy handful for the first time.

“So soft,” he whispered. “Like two sexy peaches.”

Holly giggled until he eased his head under her dress and gave her clit a quick lick.

“Hmmm, very wet and juicy,” he murmured, before suckling gently, causing her to buckle against his mouth.

“Lewis,” she pleaded.

“I’ve missed this. I know not having it was my fault but I need this.” Pressing her bum firmly he pushed her hard against his mouth.

Holding and caressing his head between her hands didn’t stop the earthquake like shakes of her body as he lapped at her. Lewis was like a man kept prisoner for decades finally facing a pure stream of refreshing cold water that dripped down his throat with ease.

Each gentle touch of the tip of his tongue caused her body to hum with need. Anticipation held her tightly as he darted his thick muscle inside her. Holly tried to hold the orgasm and just enjoy the moment but his tongue snaked inside, massaging her like it was created for that purpose alone.

Easing his head away he made one request. “I want to be inside you when you come. I want to see your face when you scream my name.”

I can’t deny him anything. Kneeling down she straddled him, his hands continued to roam, massaging her bum while she ground against his hardness beneath his jeans.

His reaction was ecstasy laced with a desire deeper than she’d seen before. “I come alive with you, Holly. I don’t just mean during sex. My life is empty without you. I need you to be whole, both of us to be whole. I’m sorry for what happened, I really am.”

Putting a finger to his lips to quieten him had a different effect to the one she was expecting. Lewis captured her hand and brought his lips to the pulse point on the inside of her wrist. “I will be yours for as long as you want me. You’re my Pied Piper,” he said between kisses.

Smiling brighter than a blinding sun, she used her spare hand to unfasten his jeans before sliding her hand inside and wrapping her hand around his swollen member.

“No boxers today?”

“I tried to be more adventurous for you.”

“I don’t need adventure, I just need you,” she smiled serenely. “Although it does make for much easier access.”

Lewis released her long enough to grab a condom from his wallet and help her push his jeans down to his ankles.

“Would you put it on? I love watching you do it.” Ripping the foil with her teeth, she delighted at the way his erection pushed at her lips.

“Impatient little fucker, isn’t he?” she joked. Grabbing him roughly, she felt his whole body flinch and squirm as she pushed the rubber the whole way down his length, giving his balls a cheeky stroke. It was his turn to hiss.

Grinding against him brought him deliciously hard against her sensitive clit. The excruciating need emblazoned across his face gave her power, replacing the fear and sadness that had been buried deep for the last month. His eyes squinted against her glow.

Reaching for him, knowing he was already close, she lined him up between her lips.

“Now,” she requested.

The furrow of confusion didn’t last, need overtaking any other thought.

Quickly he thrust his pelvis up, penetrating her in one movement. The feeling of being suddenly full nearly triggered her orgasm but she held it at bay, temporarily.

Not yet, she thought, basking in the pleasure of his erection that pushed into her at increasing speed. Holly rocked against him, her legs acting as leverage. Lifting slightly before slamming down, she felt the fraught pace of his surging body. Lewis’ cries of ecstasy filled her heart, yanking her orgasm closer once more.

Nature was joining them like an orchestra preparing for the grand finale of a concerto. Wind rushed around them while birds rustled the leaves in the trees. The beauty was lost on her, it was him that held her raptured.

“Come for me, Holly. Throw your head back and come with me inside you. I want nothing more,” he demanded. Slow, gentle lovemaking would keep them enthralled later in his bed, where his strong arms would cocoon her while their mouths indulged on each other’s bodies. But for now they were two people who needed to revel in each other’s climax.

Once more she lifted herself and dropped back down as Lewis drove hard, like a beast, inside her. The savage thrust of his body brought an explosion of electricity to her nerve endings. In surrender, she arched her back and rode the swell of desire with vigour. The blinding lights were now within her head and, as she came, she screamed his name.

Lewis’ loud grunts matched her screams in fervour and he shook, bucking against her, his orgasm turning him into a creature that breathed a fire of passion as he clung to her body. Maybe drawn by a need for refuge, he sat up and held her tightly, their convulsing form turning them into one, wrecking their bodies yet provoking a deeper hunger for more.

H is for Heartbreak

Heartbreak doesn’t give you the warm and fuzzies does it?

With online dating, there will be heartbreak and it doesn’t hurt any less because it started virtually.

Mr Fumble was my first significant heartbreak. The name wasn’t a product of my experience with him. There was nothing fumble-like about his skills. The name arose when I chatted about him to a particular group of friends. I didn’t want to tell them what we really got up to so I said we fumbled and let them decipher the rest. This is the first time on this blog that I’ve relinquished my tell-all policy but with him some of my experiences will be remaining private.

Mr Fumble wasn’t always the easiest guy to message. Getting information and casual chat from him was akin to getting that last drop of ketchup out of a nearly empty bottle. He was reluctant to share too much and shy with the deeper stuff. Many weeks later, I realised why. Mr Fumble had been badly hurt in the past and to say his fences were up and high would be a massive understatement. The guy was damaged and wasn’t letting anyone in. The messages usually involved me asking questions about his day and what his work involved. The answers were short, surface stuff but he continued to answer, encouraging me to ask and revealing a little each day.

sexting heartbreakThe evening that the messages neared dirty, flirting territory I was so taken aback I thought I was reading them wrong. When he talked about the gooey centres of the cookies I was baking, the moistness of my brownies and how firm my muffins were, it was fiercely against character and anything we’d discussed previously. I genuinely thought he was a massive fan of baking. Eventually the sexual tease behind his words were revealed and flirting continued in earnest.

One evening, I passed on my number but he was reticent to use it, blaming phone signal and a crap phone.

Maybe as you read this a thought has arisen, “Come on Rebecca, there’s clearly something fishy about this guy.” I suspected the same, there seemed to be something crucial about him I didn’t know and couldn’t work out. I hope even now that he wasn’t married or a compulsive liar because I can’t be sure.

One of the problems with internet dating is that there are some things we may never know about the potentials we like. These things may be as significant as their real surname or past/current relationships.

When online dating, we have to trust our instincts and the advice of our wiser friends. We also need to remember to NEVER send money. There are some untrustworthy people out there and if something seems off then it probably is. If someone we’ve never met is declaring their love for us while asking for us to send money then we move on. I know, from experience that when our hearts get that fluttering, glowing feeling and excitement seems to be a daily thrill that we thought we’d never feel again then our judgement can be as useful as a chocolate condom. But having a clear head is a sad necessity.

Players and scoundrels don’t just frequent the online dating scene. I’ve also met some male and female villains in real life too. People who seem less than genuine are everywhere. Maybe you can think of those you know in your work or social circles who’ve cheated on their partners and have secret addictions to gambling, drugs and illicit encounters. It can take years for you to learn these secrets. Just because you meet someone online doesn’t mean you have to be ruthlessly suspicious of them but trusting your instincts is important.

hot guy heartbreakLet’s get back to Mr Fumble. Eventually, he did use my number and we began to text every day; during the day and a lot during the evenings. It wasn’t long before he was the last person I said goodnight to before my head hit the pillow and the first person I hoped for a message from when I woke. He almost always delivered. Messages included anything from cheeky thoughts to our deepest issues and life experiences.

The day he broached the idea of speaking on the phone I freaked out. I was too terrified and adamantly declined. The phone isn’t my ally at the best of times. I’m the kind of person who accidentally says “Kind Regards” at the end of an answer machine message then calls again to apologise for being an arse. But things changed. The decision to speak on the phone needed to be mine. After some days of consideration and no pressure from Mr Fumble we finally spoke. Hearing his voice gave me a smile that rose from my stomach up, eclipsing my entire body with a glow that had no chance of leaving. It was everything I’d been scared of hoping for. Within a couple of hours I was as happy as a teenage boy at a porn star convention.

A meeting after that was inevitable. In his typical closed way, he dropped some hints and in my excitement I welcomed them with open arms.

The day of our meeting started as a normal day for me until I got a text asking if I was still free because he could be there in two and a half hours.

Me: Yeah, sure. That would be great. See you soon.

AAAGGGGHHHH!!!!

I did the usual; shower, shave, moisturise, try on about forty different outfits, perfect make-up, sweat all the make-up off with stress and then attempt to apply it again. I was so nervous I thought I might vomit before he arrived. A massive ball of stress that resided in my intestines was growing at alarming rate. God forbid I’d have to speak to him!

The moment the doorbell rang I swept open the door and saw the coolest, dark haired epitome of sexiness standing in front of me.

Excitement exploded.

I was disarmed too. A date with Mr Fumble was something I should have prepared myself for mentally as well as physically.

kissing heartbreakAfter getting this far into the post you may have an image of me in your head. There may be some pre-conceptions about my personality and my behaviour. I shall leave you to them, I’m not keen to find them out. But my date with Mr Fumble will remain between me and him and the couple of people we may have told since.

All I shall let you know is that Mr Fumble arrived at midday on one day and left at midday the next. Over the course of that 24hour period, we had coffee, chatted, laughed, went for a walk, had dinner, chatted some more and spent the rest of the time…fumbling.

For those twenty-four hours, I was beaming with joy. I felt like I was at the start of something special.

But twenty minutes before he left I watched his fences go up. The Mr Fumble I’d spent the last day with disappeared and was replaced with a closed off, unrecognisable man. Walking out my house he politely said goodbye and promised to text when he got home. Just like that he was gone.

You may think I was the most gullible, naive idiot that ever walked the earth. I have thought that often enough myself. You may be certain that the contact was over, while secretly hoping for a happy ending. But H is for Heartbreak after all…

Locking the front door with a shaky hand and a heavy heart I thought I would never hear from him again. Mr Fumble was out of my life and would never be a part of it. I was wrong, to some extent. The messages flooded my phone as soon as he got home. We texted non-stop for the next two days.

Sadly, over the next five months his texts got more sporadic but never stopped until I told him to leave me alone. I was struggling to move on and he clearly didn’t want a relationship. On occasion, for about a year after, I continued to hear from him, until I decided to block him for a couple of weeks. I have no idea why he stayed in contact. It could have been a keenness for more fumbling or because he was bored. Whatever the true reason I never learnt it because I wouldn’t agree to see him again.

However much he annoyed and upset me, I will always have a fondness for Mr Fumble. In his defence, he never promised anything he wasn’t willing to give. Everything he gave me was incredible and life-changing. If I could do our initial texting, call and meet-up again, and I was still single, would I? Possibly. Being full of regrets is a fruitless experience.

I shed a lot of tears over him when he started distancing himself and then several more over the next months. Maybe my instincts and lack of experience did betray me. I guess only Mr Fumble knows the answer to that.

There has been heartbreak and many tears shed since him.

Friends wondered in the past, “How can you stay hopeful that you’ll find what you’re looking for?”

After my heart was broken my hope seemed to die for a while too. I have been left wondering what’s the point, how can I find what I’m looking for? Is there something wrong with me? After heartbreak, I used to stop dating and reassess because I don’t do rebound dating. But that’s a personal choice I made. I was told once, by a colleague, that rebound is the best time to date. I’ve seen people get hurt when we date on the rebound. It may give us validation and help us move on in the short term but it usually comes back to bite us on the arse.

After Mr Fumble made it clear that a relationship wasn’t going to happen I went straight back online. As a result I made some reckless and nearly dangerous decisions.

People jump back on to the apps and sites for many reasons, sometimes because it’s a simple need to get their end away. Sexual need is difficult to ignore especially when you’ve been getting it regularly. But if you just want to get your end away then be honest about it. Don’t deceive people into thinking you’re looking for more.

When I started writing this a while back my hope took a beating. It was inevitable after recalling and revisiting these experiences but then I met up with some friends who had met through online dating. They told me of their experience. There were familiar situations, for example one didn’t reply initially and distance caused a couple of issues. But a relationship slowly developed over chatting, meeting up and dating.

So, when I asked them, “How can I still have hope when I have heartbreak inside me?” I was told that you have to prepare for heartbreak when you date but then sometimes you get lucky and it does work out. At this point, they gave each other such a grin of nauseating joy that had I not been sticking my fingers down my throat I would have got caught up in it. It was a smile that only genuine, caring love lives in and was the display of encouragement I needed.

Fight for meSo, heartbreak does happen and it can temporarily destroy us. But H is for Hope too because online dating does work out, people keep trying and they enjoy themselves in the process. And one positive from Mr Fumble is that it gave me my love of men in military uniform, which helped inspire my erotic romance short story Fight For Me, which is available to download.

I’d love to know how you’ve dealt with heartbreak in dating. You can share your thoughts or experiences by commenting below or visiting my Facebook page.

E is for Everyone Knows Someone Who…

Any time I’ve spoken with groups of mainly female friends I hear the same stories. At first there might be some encouraging words or curiosity about the guy I’m chatting to. But eventually I hear: “I know a couple who met online and now they’re married.”

Online dating works…

online dating worksPeople do fall in love with potentials they meet online and some even get married. It’s the selling point for many online dating sites. For example, each say something along the lines of:

  • they have more marriages than the other sites
  • they have more enduring marriages
  • they have more meaningful matches
  • they have more relationships than other sites.

Even the sites that seem to be based around hook-ups appear to have had people meet and marry. I read last year about an Olympic gold medallist meeting her soldier husband on a site that is renowned for its casual dates.

You Have to Take the Bad…

As I said, everyone knows someone and these happy marital endings do exist. But they’re not the only experiences people have. I suspect that for every marriage there is also someone who has seen a dick pic they didn’t want, chatted to a shithead or psycho, been on a date with a weirdo or had a second date they sincerely regret. However, these experiences aren’t only reserved for online dating. There are freaks and weirdos all over the place.

I recall a guy from university at our summer ball. I was sitting in the corner of the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, and he obviously thought that I would be easy pickings. The dude had misread the situation and so, when he invited me outside for some “fresh air,” he got a knock back he probably wasn’t expecting. Unfortunately for him, I wasn’t drunk but completely sober and suffering with a throat infection. I can safely say that no amount of alcohol would have been enough for me to spend time alone with him. Not only did he have a worrying resemblance to a rat both in looks and personality, he had a reputation for being a complete prick and doing whatever it took to get laid. The rat is probably torturing women via online dating sites as we speak.

…With the Good

But, in case you were looking for a bit more hope from this chapter, then I can tell you that I know of at least eight couples who met through online dating, all long term and most of them now married. The sites they met on were as varied as their personalities and they were well suited to each other.

One couple’s story brings a smile to my face rather than a harassed eye roll. We’ll call them Summer Breeze and Hugh Lovin. Summer was a slightly older lady who had been cajoled by friends into trying online dating. Her husband had died when she was younger and although dating, especially online, terrified her she eventually built up the courage to log on. The massive glass of wine she downed beforehand helped too.

Hugh, a guy who’d split up with his wife years earlier, was the first person that Summer spoke to. Almost immediately they were enamoured with each other. They had loads in common, even their “baggage”, and what started as two people casually chatting on opposite sides of the country quickly became emails back and forth sent throughout the evening. The next step was a phone call, which quickly turned into three-hour phone calls every night. This was leading up to the inevitable first meeting. After all, they couldn’t spend all their evenings chatting, they had to go into the big wide world sometimes too. Did they dare meet or were they going to run scared at the possibility of finally seeing each other face to face?

They did meet.

The day of the meeting finally arrived. Summer stood nervously on the train station platform, fingers trembling and her heart beating erratically. Watching Hugh stumble off the train she realised two things; her first date in an age, the man she’d been chatting to and silently pinned her hopes on, was nervous and he was tipsy. Would she walk away despondent that he’d arrived a little sozzled before lunchtime and potentially ruined their first meeting? No, it gave her the perfect opportunity to suggest heading to the nearest pub so she could relax her own quivering nerves.

everyone knowsFrom that day, they knew they’d found someone special. But what next? One of them had to move and the deliberation was difficult and tearful. But, one of them did, and two years later they had a beautiful wedding in the highlands of Scotland. I was lucky enough to meet Summer, hear her story and share my own online dating woes. She’s a fantastic listener. I can say for sure that there’s hope out there. I’ve met Summer and I’ve seen it exists. There are many more who have stories like hers.

Sometimes the crap may just be worth it.

Of course, not everyone is looking for marriage, some just want a bit of fun. I can think of lots of people who’ve found that via online dating. It’s out there and easy to find.

If, however, you’re interested in the long term then remember that’s your focus when you’re getting giddy from the interest you’re receiving. It’s easy to become like Slick Dick and believe your own hype. If you’re looking for the long term then your aim is to find the right potential for you. This may not mean the one who is best at charming you, flirting with you or only talks about sex.

A potential with the body of Taylor Swift or Chris Hemsworth is great but if there’s nothing more behind the picture or they never seem to want to go on a date then what’s the point? If you’re looking for someone you can share the best and worst of yourself with then the guy with the biggest cock or the woman with the banging boobs may seem like an exciting prospect. But they’re only worth your time and effort if they have a personality you like too.

Don’t Give Up

And the next time someone drones on about that wedding of two people who met online, take a moment to wonder to yourself, like I do: “Would I marry them?” It’s probably a “no.” So, let’s not waste time wishing you were in their shoes; instead hope the right person for you is just around the corner and that it’s someone you can be your real self with.

I Don’t Do Hook Ups… Can’t Say That Anymore (Part 2)

This is the second part of a recent blog post: I Don’t Do Hook Ups… Can’t Say That Anymore (Part 1). Several weeks ago I was horny as hell and not wanting to date some random, unknown guy to get rid of it. Instead I propositioned a previous date. This guy, Rubber Johnny (name changed to protect the innocent/guilty), had no intention of long term because of his own baggage. To find out more about what brought me to contacting him, click the link above.

But moving on.

The day arrived.

Preparation was key.

Best Laid Plans…

hook upsUnfortunately, however much you prepare things go wrong. A mixture of a sore throat and leaving the hair removal cream on for too long sent me into an initial panic. Was that too much information?

I certainly wasn’t feeling the excitement, the nerves were slowly eating away at me, “what if he was a dick about it”, “what if I couldn’t go through with it”, “what if he still looks like a gay pirate?” But I pushed them to one side and drove to his home, mostly undeterred.

On the drive I felt the flourish of excitement that’s familiar before a first date. Usually it’s clouded with nerves because I’m also worrying about the unknown. But then I was yo-yoing emotionally again. Fear and nerves still took over, unsettling my belly like a gone-off yoghurt.

Although I knew we were going to watch a movie and chill out for a bit it was still a hook up. This was completely against character. My sister hadn’t seemed impressed when I told her. What would some of my more overprotective friends think? Would I be okay with their judgements? But that wasn’t the only concern; what if I couldn’t keep it casual and I fell for him again? I didn’t want to spend another evening sobbing over the guy. That had been a shitty Christmas Eve.

Overcoming the Fear

Fears continued to rattle round my head as we met and walked to his lounge. Hearing him grumble about his neighbours, the recycling boxes and the dickheads at work brought my fantasies crashing down. The reality is, when it’s not a date, when you’re, to some extent, a sure thing then there’s no “best behaviour”, the need to impress is unnecessary and while I felt respected I also felt like I was just a hook up. But that’s what I wanted, right?

RJ was awkward in my presence, although now in hindsight I think that’s just who he is, an awkward guy. When he was out of the room and I put my gum in the bin he came rushing back in asking what the noise was. This wasn’t how I’d remembered him.

But, sat in front of the movie, snuggled up together I could tell, unexpectedly, that the chemistry was still there. My body was humming harder than a room full of bees when I felt his hand rest on my bum before he started stroking it with a gentle caress.

The slight touches were exciting, the kissing intense and everything else was… private. But just so you know, the non-sex hook up was kind of glorious. Aspects of our time together will feature in my erotic romance writing, I’m sure of it.

Lessons Learned from my Hook Up

Later, when I was driving home, I realised:

I’m glad I did what I did, no regrets, BUT I’m never doing it again. I enjoyed what we did but there was a coldness to it, it was a little soulless. It meant nothing. It became a series of acts with a guy who was good at kissing and other stuff but I needed more than that. I like the excitement that goes with fancying someone, the uncertainty of a furtive look, the “accidental” brush of hands over dinner, the hope that they might kiss you and the blissful feeling when you realise you had one of those dates that will stay with you for days.

friends with benefitsI like the intimacy that’s accompanied by an attraction of the brain and the body. I’m somewhat reluctant to say I’m a romantic. It was a hook up and I mostly enjoyed it, although I still had to imagine myself with someone else to fully build the excitement. Is that messed up?

  • RJ was still a nice guy. He built up my body confidence and was bloody brilliant at what he did with the rest of me.
  • I’m not happy being single but I want a relationship, not a one off and that can take time. I need to put in the effort rather than expect some dream boyfriend to turn up on my doorstep.
  • I’ve finally got RJ out of my system. I didn’t even realise he was still there, from Christmas, until I walked away. While great in his own way he’d never been worth losing tears over.
  • It was a goodbye for good. Although he treated me with respect and care I don’t want to go back.
  • Hook ups aren’t for me

Insecurities and Taking the Lead, First Date

Sometimes when we’ve been doing this online dating malarkey for a while we can forget that we’re not the only insecure person
doing it.

I have my confident moments but there are also times when I wonder why a guy hasn’t returned my message, why the date we’ve talked about hasn’t been put in the diary or if the man has found someone “better”. We all have our low moments and dating can eat at our confidence, plaguing these insecure times before sending us spiralling, questioning every aspect of ourselves. There are players, idiots and damaged people out there; male and female, but they’re not the only people on online dating sites.

Online Dating insecurities

Dano insecuritiesThis brings me to my date last weekend. A first date. I’m going to call him Fuck ‘Em Dano or Dano for short. Not because he was a guy who fucked around but because he looked like Paul Dano, the actor from War and Peace and There Will Be Blood.

Dano was nervous. Initially he hid it well, so well I was thinking that something was wrong with the date or maybe he wasn’t interested in me. However, as the date continued I realised that the uncomfortable silences were because he felt awkward and didn’t know what to say. It was like a dance and he couldn’t hear the rhythm of the music let alone have the skills to take the lead. Dano just didn’t know what to say and so he said some unusual things for a first date. These included, “Am I really weird?” “I know this sounds stupid but…” “I’ve made this awkward…”

It became one of those dates where I was the confident one and had to offer many reassurances. But I found a way to bring him free from his nerves. I made, yes made, him ask me questions, any questions he liked and I promised to answer. For some reason it worked like a charm.

Dano even shyly told me that the noises we’d heard earlier, while eating, were the urinals. Sheepishly explaining that the position of them meant that he’d had to wee near where my head would have been. Then he blushed.

The guy was adorable and his respect of me endearing. Also, he made me laugh. I can’t abide dates where I don’t laugh, I am a chuckler even in the most unlikely situations. I’m talking funerals.

But there were two problems from my date:

Flirting tango1) I don’t think he knows how to flirt or if he does then he doesn’t seem to understand when I’m doing it. I can be cheeky and naughty on good dates but he never took my lead. None of the questions he asked me were naughty. I did explain to him that I wrote romance books with sex in them but there wasn’t any response to that. It was unusual for me to have a man in front of me that doesn’t join in my naughtiness but I’m hoping I can draw him in that direction. It’s as if we were doing an awkward tango but I’m the lead dancer.

2) There was no spark and very little chemistry. Dano suggested he was on his best behaviour for our date, which might have explained some of the lack of chemistry. But during our time together I wasn’t hoping I would get that first kiss or wondering what an accidental touch of his hand to any part of my body would feel like.

I write erotic romance and while I don’t believe that a real life book boyfriend is suddenly going to appear when I first meet a guy I have had those dates where the attraction and chemistry have filled my mind and formed my fantasies.

So what now?

I am going on a second date with Dano. He asked almost immediately and I’m hoping he’ll have less nerves, which will make for more fun and relaxed chatter. But I’m not holding out too many hopes either. Dano, my toyboy by five years, is a nice guy and I want to like him. I want to fancy him but I can’t force something that isn’t there.

Have you ever been in this situation yourself?

What would you do?