Phil Dew part 2 – Could I Change Him?

If you missed part one of my Phil Dew experience and why I decided to play games then you can read it here. If you’re up to date enjoy what happened next.

Can You Change Someone?

changeMy mum once told me, “Don’t ever think you can change a man because you can’t.”

I should have realised when Phil first told me that the distance was too much that I wasn’t a game player. Ball games have never been part of my skill set…!

I was heading for a romance car crash if I thought I had any chance of swaying Phil’s decision. Sadly not only did I ignore the saying, I also ignored my instincts. More worryingly I ignored everything I’d already witnessed about Phil. The guy liked to have things his way and was as stubborn as me. Eventually we did go on that first date and it lasted eight hours.

everyone knowsIt was filled with laughter, smiles, the sort of subtle touches you make when you want to grab each other and kiss but are too scared to do anything so bold. In the end there was kissing, in a park where we enjoyed the warming sun. Our kissing was accompanied by a guy playing a guitar and singing so badly that Phil was ready to break the wood in two but the kissing kept him busy enough to control his annoyance.

So it all ended okay after the date and we lived happily ever after?

Don’t be so ridiculous.

What could go wrong?

Our friendship, where we refused to acknowledge the distance while continuing to talk about how much we cared about each other and rejecting the option to date other people carried on at a heady pace. I visited him for the weekend and got on with his friends. Even his dog loved me and his “little” Philip seemed happy to be in my company too, not that we got too physical. I guess holding that back was part of my ineffective game plan.

But none of this mattered because eventually things came to a head when I invited him to stay at mine. The avoidance tactic wasn’t working for either of us anymore. In typical fashion it wasn’t a grown up sharing of well thought out opinions it was the thrown out insults of two hurting people forced into a situation where there was no happy solution.

The real friendship and romance ended there

That evening tears brimmed at my eyes and eventually I sobbed. It was the teen romance I’d never experienced. Since then we’ve tried chatting a couple of times but it’s never worked. The trust, the care and the friendship had already been destroyed. No one who has genuinely cared about me has hurt me to the extent that he did and so the friendship couldn’t go back in time. I guess if I’d let it lie when he originally said he couldn’t do distance things might have been different but in the long run it caused more hurt than it healed.

Maybe if we’d lived in the same town we would have been a couple or maybe just best friends. I’ll never know. In the end none of it matters because when it’s not right for one person there’s nothing you can do about it.

It might be that you have extremely differing opinions on significant things. Does that mean there’s no future? Other times you might find you’re not in the right place to be dating. Maybe you’re hurting, jaded, tired or have too much going on in your life.

Ditch the Apps

I was once told “It’s better to be stuck on a shelf than locked in a cupboard”.

In other words it’s better to be single for a while than trapped with the wrong person.

If you need a break from online dating for a while then take that break. I did it for different reasons.

hipster changeDelete the apps from your phone, watch some television or catch up with your friends. It’s okay to take a break and it’s better than damaging your instincts and ending up with a psycho or a hipster… What could be worse?

If you have had an experience like this then let me know in the comments section or via my Facebook page or Twitter page. Or maybe you can tell me what is worse than a hipster, you’ll need a convincing argument though. Surely they’re the pits?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *