What is the A-Z of Dating?

A-Z of DatingMy online dating had to start somewhere…I’ve been doing online dating properly for the last couple of years, on and off. During this time, I’ve met all sorts of potentials; i.e. the people I chat to online, maybe go on a date with. They’re potential partners, conquests, spouses and everything else in between.

It has been a thrill ride at times. I’ve chatted to a lot of men by text, and some lucky bastards have even made it past the screening process and met me! In fact every so often I meet someone special who gives me the hope that I might find what I’m looking for.

A-Z of Dating

This led me to write a book that covers the last two serious years of my dating life as well as some attempts before that when I was completely clueless and pretending to be someone I wasn’t.

Instead of publishing it immediately (something I will probably do in the future), I thought I would share the best bits here on my blog.

It’s a scary world out there but I hope this “book” will be like someone holding your hand as you attempt to discover it for yourself. I’ve been there and I know a lot of the pitfalls.

Answers to Some of Your Online Dating Questions

There’s something for everyone online, a variety of sites, apps, potentials and preferences (also known as fetishes). So, whether you’re looking for a one night stand, love, companionship or anything else then it’s out there.

  • But how do you go about finding what you want?
  • What site do you use?
  • What do you put on your profile?
  • What do you say when you want to chat potentials up?
  • What do you do when they reply?
  • And what do you do when they send you a dick pic/fanny photo?

I’ll be sharing some of the answers to those questions and probably some things that will make you want to cover your eyes and bleach your brain!

In this A-Z you’ll find lots of real life dating experiences from myself and my friends. There’s information about the different potentials in the fish pond and how to approach them. Online dating has changed a lot over the years. These are some things I wish I’d known before I started.

Alternatively, you may already have a partner. Maybe you’re glancing over at them, seething because they didn’t give you the perfect birthday present this year, forgot to get the shopping you asked for three times, or never try different positions while you ache to experiment. For you I say read this and maybe it will help you appreciate what you have.

Keep checking back for updates and please share your own experiences, either here or on my Facebook page.

I Don’t Do Hook Ups… Can’t Say That Anymore (Part 2)

This is the second part of a recent blog post: I Don’t Do Hook Ups… Can’t Say That Anymore (Part 1). Several weeks ago I was horny as hell and not wanting to date some random, unknown guy to get rid of it. Instead I propositioned a previous date. This guy, Rubber Johnny (name changed to protect the innocent/guilty), had no intention of long term because of his own baggage. To find out more about what brought me to contacting him, click the link above.

But moving on.

The day arrived.

Preparation was key.

Best Laid Plans…

hook upsUnfortunately, however much you prepare things go wrong. A mixture of a sore throat and leaving the hair removal cream on for too long sent me into an initial panic. Was that too much information?

I certainly wasn’t feeling the excitement, the nerves were slowly eating away at me, “what if he was a dick about it”, “what if I couldn’t go through with it”, “what if he still looks like a gay pirate?” But I pushed them to one side and drove to his home, mostly undeterred.

On the drive I felt the flourish of excitement that’s familiar before a first date. Usually it’s clouded with nerves because I’m also worrying about the unknown. But then I was yo-yoing emotionally again. Fear and nerves still took over, unsettling my belly like a gone-off yoghurt.

Although I knew we were going to watch a movie and chill out for a bit it was still a hook up. This was completely against character. My sister hadn’t seemed impressed when I told her. What would some of my more overprotective friends think? Would I be okay with their judgements? But that wasn’t the only concern; what if I couldn’t keep it casual and I fell for him again? I didn’t want to spend another evening sobbing over the guy. That had been a shitty Christmas Eve.

Overcoming the Fear

Fears continued to rattle round my head as we met and walked to his lounge. Hearing him grumble about his neighbours, the recycling boxes and the dickheads at work brought my fantasies crashing down. The reality is, when it’s not a date, when you’re, to some extent, a sure thing then there’s no “best behaviour”, the need to impress is unnecessary and while I felt respected I also felt like I was just a hook up. But that’s what I wanted, right?

RJ was awkward in my presence, although now in hindsight I think that’s just who he is, an awkward guy. When he was out of the room and I put my gum in the bin he came rushing back in asking what the noise was. This wasn’t how I’d remembered him.

But, sat in front of the movie, snuggled up together I could tell, unexpectedly, that the chemistry was still there. My body was humming harder than a room full of bees when I felt his hand rest on my bum before he started stroking it with a gentle caress.

The slight touches were exciting, the kissing intense and everything else was… private. But just so you know, the non-sex hook up was kind of glorious. Aspects of our time together will feature in my erotic romance writing, I’m sure of it.

Lessons Learned from my Hook Up

Later, when I was driving home, I realised:

I’m glad I did what I did, no regrets, BUT I’m never doing it again. I enjoyed what we did but there was a coldness to it, it was a little soulless. It meant nothing. It became a series of acts with a guy who was good at kissing and other stuff but I needed more than that. I like the excitement that goes with fancying someone, the uncertainty of a furtive look, the “accidental” brush of hands over dinner, the hope that they might kiss you and the blissful feeling when you realise you had one of those dates that will stay with you for days.

friends with benefitsI like the intimacy that’s accompanied by an attraction of the brain and the body. I’m somewhat reluctant to say I’m a romantic. It was a hook up and I mostly enjoyed it, although I still had to imagine myself with someone else to fully build the excitement. Is that messed up?

  • RJ was still a nice guy. He built up my body confidence and was bloody brilliant at what he did with the rest of me.
  • I’m not happy being single but I want a relationship, not a one off and that can take time. I need to put in the effort rather than expect some dream boyfriend to turn up on my doorstep.
  • I’ve finally got RJ out of my system. I didn’t even realise he was still there, from Christmas, until I walked away. While great in his own way he’d never been worth losing tears over.
  • It was a goodbye for good. Although he treated me with respect and care I don’t want to go back.
  • Hook ups aren’t for me

I Don’t Do Hook Ups… Can’t Say That Anymore (Part 1)

I Don’t Do Hook Ups, I Don’t Do Hook Ups…

One of my life mantras is “I don’t do hook ups”. I know my mind; I need trust when any form of sexual contact is involved, my instincts can block intimacy and I have, on occasion, got easily attached when I’ve really liked a guy.

So, I don’t do hook ups and that has worked out well for me. But recently I was faced with a problem. Several weeks ago I was hornier than a male student living with a team of nude cheerleaders and the horniness wouldn’t go away. Hot guys passed through my dreams throughout the day and night. My previous experiences would revisit me as vivid memories; at work, the gym, while sitting in traffic. Meanwhile current fantasies formed out of nowhere; guys on the train kissing me slowly, the man at karaoke dancing intimately with me (those are the PG ones).

What could I do?

I considered my options:

  • I could go on a night out into town and hope to meet a random guy I found attractive was up for some fun with me. Getting him to come home with me would be easy, right? I’ve never done that before, I’m rubbish at reading signs on a night out and I always get the weird ones following me around, trying to get in my pants.
  • Online dating hook upsOn Bumble I was getting many requests for no strings sex, maybe I could just agree to one of those.
  • I was also building up some interesting connections online for first dates, maybe I could just forgo the usual getting to know each other part and have a bit of a fumble.

I Don’t Do Hook Ups!

The problem is that all these options it meant meeting with a stranger. I needed a level of trust and chemistry already established. It led me to the only option I could conceive of, other than abstinence, his name was Rubber Johnny (names have been changed to protect the innocent/guilty). Last December I went on a date with RJ. The chemistry was overwhelming, he had me quivering from the moment he touched my leg. What had started with drinks had ended with some no-sex fun back at his place several hours later. But because he had major baggage, details of which have since been explained to me, he didn’t want more. A couple of days before we originally met he’d told me that he wasn’t interested in long term but like a fool I thought I could change him. Didn’t I learn anything from my mum’s rambling lectures?

But back to a month ago. RJ had already been in contact and suggested meeting up again, for kissing purposes only. I was adamant to anyone that listened that it wasn’t going to happen and yet secretly I was toying with the idea that it could. But I didn’t do things like that… did I?

Horny for a Hook Up

Eventually the horniness got so that I couldn’t focus on anything but my own boisterous, unyielding needs. It was then, after a week of overthinking, I sent him a propositioning message.

At best, he was unsure. After all, he explained, I’d said no many times. Besides,hadn’t I also told him when we first met that I got attached easily. Yep, he was quoting me. The beauty of RJ was that I knew where he stood when it came to hook ups, I trusted he’d stop when I wanted to and from our previous date I knew the chemistry was there. I felt it was better than going on a date with a random guy and being disappointed, doing something I regretted or ignoring the chance to get to know them because I needed a fix of endorphins.

That argument seemed to be the convincer and so we agreed to meet.

But what happened next? Did he go through with it, did I change my mind, did we fall madly in love?

I’ll save that for my next post, stay tuned…

Insecurities and Taking the Lead, First Date

Sometimes when we’ve been doing this online dating malarkey for a while we can forget that we’re not the only insecure person
doing it.

I have my confident moments but there are also times when I wonder why a guy hasn’t returned my message, why the date we’ve talked about hasn’t been put in the diary or if the man has found someone “better”. We all have our low moments and dating can eat at our confidence, plaguing these insecure times before sending us spiralling, questioning every aspect of ourselves. There are players, idiots and damaged people out there; male and female, but they’re not the only people on online dating sites.

Online Dating insecurities

Dano insecuritiesThis brings me to my date last weekend. A first date. I’m going to call him Fuck ‘Em Dano or Dano for short. Not because he was a guy who fucked around but because he looked like Paul Dano, the actor from War and Peace and There Will Be Blood.

Dano was nervous. Initially he hid it well, so well I was thinking that something was wrong with the date or maybe he wasn’t interested in me. However, as the date continued I realised that the uncomfortable silences were because he felt awkward and didn’t know what to say. It was like a dance and he couldn’t hear the rhythm of the music let alone have the skills to take the lead. Dano just didn’t know what to say and so he said some unusual things for a first date. These included, “Am I really weird?” “I know this sounds stupid but…” “I’ve made this awkward…”

It became one of those dates where I was the confident one and had to offer many reassurances. But I found a way to bring him free from his nerves. I made, yes made, him ask me questions, any questions he liked and I promised to answer. For some reason it worked like a charm.

Dano even shyly told me that the noises we’d heard earlier, while eating, were the urinals. Sheepishly explaining that the position of them meant that he’d had to wee near where my head would have been. Then he blushed.

The guy was adorable and his respect of me endearing. Also, he made me laugh. I can’t abide dates where I don’t laugh, I am a chuckler even in the most unlikely situations. I’m talking funerals.

But there were two problems from my date:

Flirting tango1) I don’t think he knows how to flirt or if he does then he doesn’t seem to understand when I’m doing it. I can be cheeky and naughty on good dates but he never took my lead. None of the questions he asked me were naughty. I did explain to him that I wrote romance books with sex in them but there wasn’t any response to that. It was unusual for me to have a man in front of me that doesn’t join in my naughtiness but I’m hoping I can draw him in that direction. It’s as if we were doing an awkward tango but I’m the lead dancer.

2) There was no spark and very little chemistry. Dano suggested he was on his best behaviour for our date, which might have explained some of the lack of chemistry. But during our time together I wasn’t hoping I would get that first kiss or wondering what an accidental touch of his hand to any part of my body would feel like.

I write erotic romance and while I don’t believe that a real life book boyfriend is suddenly going to appear when I first meet a guy I have had those dates where the attraction and chemistry have filled my mind and formed my fantasies.

So what now?

I am going on a second date with Dano. He asked almost immediately and I’m hoping he’ll have less nerves, which will make for more fun and relaxed chatter. But I’m not holding out too many hopes either. Dano, my toyboy by five years, is a nice guy and I want to like him. I want to fancy him but I can’t force something that isn’t there.

Have you ever been in this situation yourself?

What would you do?

Show Me, Show Me – Eroticon Live 2016

eroticon live 2016So I’m getting ready for my first Eroticon and I am quaking in my converse. If you see a diminutive lady, standing on the sidelines looking like she wants to join in, please come and say hi or at least beckon her over, especially if she looks like she’s been combining the Dutch courage with her Diet Coke. I’m starting to feel like I’m going on a blind date, only this one is for a whole weekend!

Eroticon Live 2016

NAME (and Twitter name if you have one)
Rebecca Chase @rebeccahchase

If you had the opportunity to rename yourself (or your blog) what would you pick?

Maybe “Punctuation is my nemesis” or “Chase me, Chase me”. My pen name (which I originally wanted to be Rebecca Chambers until I realised it was a character in Final Fantasy) I wouldn’t change because it’s who I have become and it means I can reveal my layers bit by bit.

What are you most looking forward to at Eroticon Live and/or is there anything you are nervous about?

I am most looking forward to being surrounded by passionate writers and bloggers who I can learn from and share with.

Nervous? Me? Absolutely terrified. I’m going to be a fish out of water, with no knowledge of what to expect and acutely aware that I don’t know anyone at the event. Hoping it won’t be like school where I’m standing on the edge wanting to join in but not sure how to do it.

I’m relating this event to when I took a skydive; I’ll probably pretend it’s not happening, jump and be full of regrets and then start to enjoy myself before I come to the realisation that it was over too soon.

Have you planned which sessions you will be attending or are you more of a spur of the moment kind of person?

There are some I definitely want to attend, including ones on audio erotica and letting the world inspire you. For the rest I will wing it and let my heart choose my desired workshop…or just run out of options and hide in a corner where I can add notes to my notebook!

What essential items to your life will be bringing with you to Eroticon Live? (you can have a max of 5)

My mobile, my notebook, my eyeliner, an open mind and chocolate (for bribery purposes).

A new cocktail has been made on your honour, what would be the key ingredient & what would it be called?

Raspberry Vodka, which I can’t seem to leave alone on drunken and debauched nights out on the town. It would be called Easy like Rebecca Chase because for some reason that is what my friends sing when we go out, to the tune of Easy Like Sunday Morning. Although I hasten to add that there is nothing easy about me, I am very complex

And finally… Complete the sentence; I have yet to…..

…consider what I am going to wear or how to get to the event. I don’t even know the address of where I am staying. In fact, I have yet to do anything at all, except this blog post and book… I did book didn’t I?

Quotes from Crave For Me

Here are some sexy quotes from Crave For Me

Three standalone short stories about romance and desire. In each story we meet a woman who finally comes face to face with a man she has desired for years. But does she have the confidence to reach for what she yearns for or will she forever be left unsatisfied and alone?

This book contains sexual situations and language only suitable for those aged 18+ Click on any of the pictures to be taken to Amazon where you can buy the book or read a sample.

Fight for me CraveIn Fight For Me, Jules finally comes face to face with the one man she’s been avoiding for years; her brother’s best friend, her first kiss and the guy who taught her what lust is. The soldier is home on leave for a wedding but where does Jules fit into this? Joe might want her more than he’s ever let on or maybe he just wants to get some release before he heads back to barracks. Is he just another bad boy who will break her heart before she gives him his marching orders or will he set her body on fire as they engage in a battle of wills and pleasure?Fight For Me meme

 

Work For Me craveIn Work For Me, Alana has her work crush coming round to fix her kitchen. But what she really wants is Nick to fix her, on the countertop, in the shower, in fact anywhere he desires. Alana also yearns for more than a fumble. Is Nick her labour of love that can bang some happiness into her or will it all be too much like hard work?

Work For Me crave

Play For Me craveIn Play For Me, we meet Kate. She’s fancied her piano teacher ever since she was an eighteen year old schoolgirl. He was her first fantasy and has remained so for all the years they’ve been apart. What happens when he comes back to town and becomes her piano teacher for one more lesson? Will he recognise her? Will he see her as just another girl from his past? Or will he play her like she’s always imagined?

 

 

Out Now – Crave For Me: three short tales of erotic romance

Crave For Me, three short tales of erotic romance, is out now and has two 5-star reviews already.

Read about three women and the moment they come face to face with the men they have desired for an age. Will it end in glorious sex and romance or an awkward fumble that leaves them red-faced?

Click on the book to buy or read a sample. It’s free on Kindle Unlimited.

Crave for Me

Crave For Me

It’s always a treat to find a new author to stalk and I think I will definitely be setting up camp over at this author’s Facebook page waiting for another morsel.

These short stories are refreshing, fun and HOT… the kind of read that one is glad one is enjoying on train on the Kindle and not with the cover in full view if you know what I mean. *ahem*

More please!

[5 Star Review from Morgana on Amazon UK]