I Don’t Do Hook Ups, I Don’t Do Hook Ups…
One of my life mantras is “I don’t do hook ups”. I know my mind; I need trust when any form of sexual contact is involved, my instincts can block intimacy and I have, on occasion, got easily attached when I’ve really liked a guy.
So, I don’t do hook ups and that has worked out well for me. But recently I was faced with a problem. Several weeks ago I was hornier than a male student living with a team of nude cheerleaders and the horniness wouldn’t go away. Hot guys passed through my dreams throughout the day and night. My previous experiences would revisit me as vivid memories; at work, the gym, while sitting in traffic. Meanwhile current fantasies formed out of nowhere; guys on the train kissing me slowly, the man at karaoke dancing intimately with me (those are the PG ones).
What could I do?
I considered my options:
- I could go on a night out into town and hope to meet a random guy I found attractive was up for some fun with me. Getting him to come home with me would be easy, right? I’ve never done that before, I’m rubbish at reading signs on a night out and I always get the weird ones following me around, trying to get in my pants.
- On Bumble I was getting many requests for no strings sex, maybe I could just agree to one of those.
- I was also building up some interesting connections online for first dates, maybe I could just forgo the usual getting to know each other part and have a bit of a fumble.
I Don’t Do Hook Ups!
The problem is that all these options it meant meeting with a stranger. I needed a level of trust and chemistry already established. It led me to the only option I could conceive of, other than abstinence, his name was Rubber Johnny (names have been changed to protect the innocent/guilty). Last December I went on a date with RJ. The chemistry was overwhelming, he had me quivering from the moment he touched my leg. What had started with drinks had ended with some no-sex fun back at his place several hours later. But because he had major baggage, details of which have since been explained to me, he didn’t want more. A couple of days before we originally met he’d told me that he wasn’t interested in long term but like a fool I thought I could change him. Didn’t I learn anything from my mum’s rambling lectures?
But back to a month ago. RJ had already been in contact and suggested meeting up again, for kissing purposes only. I was adamant to anyone that listened that it wasn’t going to happen and yet secretly I was toying with the idea that it could. But I didn’t do things like that… did I?
Horny for a Hook Up
Eventually the horniness got so that I couldn’t focus on anything but my own boisterous, unyielding needs. It was then, after a week of overthinking, I sent him a propositioning message.
At best, he was unsure. After all, he explained, I’d said no many times. Besides,hadn’t I also told him when we first met that I got attached easily. Yep, he was quoting me. The beauty of RJ was that I knew where he stood when it came to hook ups, I trusted he’d stop when I wanted to and from our previous date I knew the chemistry was there. I felt it was better than going on a date with a random guy and being disappointed, doing something I regretted or ignoring the chance to get to know them because I needed a fix of endorphins.
That argument seemed to be the convincer and so we agreed to meet.
But what happened next? Did he go through with it, did I change my mind, did we fall madly in love?
I’ll save that for my next post, stay tuned…