If you don’t want casual sex how do you avoid those who do? In my last update, C is for Casual Sex and Condoms, I talked about being honest about what you’re looking for from online potentials. Personally, I’m not looking for casual sex or one night stands. So, I tend to avoid guys that include semi-nude photos in their profiles and those that have dodgy user names or taglines.
What do I mean by that?
Here are some names that got a no, even though they did amuse me:
And profile taglines:
• No fanny too big or too small
• Good body and with a big tool for hard and hot work
• Looking for hook up for me and another woman
It’s safe to say that whatever we want we can find it online. The skill is trying to separate the liars, psychos and dickheads from those that are looking for the same as us. They are out there too.
This brings me to Douchebag Deidre and my friend Horace. Horace and Deidre were in contact for a month or so and he was smitten. Chuckles were as frequent as the multitude of texts they sent each other. They had a lot in common. Even the things they bought when they went junk food shopping matched like a game of snap. I could see Horace was quickly captivated and the conversations they had that he dared to share with me were sweet and lovely. Had Horace finally found someone he could flirt with and be in a relationship with?
Not long after they started chatting, Deidre explained that she hadn’t been separated from her husband for very long. Together they had joint custody of their young daughter. That wasn’t an issue for Horace and so they decided it was time to move beyond texting and set a date for meeting. The planning wasn’t easy because Deidre had just moved to a new place, which was an hour away. And obviously the daughter was staying over some nights too. But eventually the hopeful first meeting was set in stone.
The texts continued.
Some of the texts sent by Deidre included “I wish you were here with me right now” and “Please don’t go to sleep yet, I want to keep texting.” They seemed happy chatting to each other like this and all was going well.
Three nights before they were due to meet, Deidre had a bit too much prosecco. The truth started to reveal itself, with a bit of cajoling by Horace. Apparently, she was drunk and feeling sorry for herself. It didn’t take much for her to confess she wasn’t getting on well with her parents because they were on the side of her ex-husband. She had a history of dumping men when life got difficult. Deidre confessed that she’d split up with one long term boyfriend in the last couple of months, been married twice and had only left her husband six months earlier. The numbers didn’t add up.
The words continued to pour from her slightly sozzled mouth. When sober, Deidre had mentioned that marriage still appealed to her. In her drunkenness she admitted that she had no intention of marrying again.
“I’m not sure if I can treat a man properly again because my daughter is the only thing that matters to me. That won’t change. No man will ever matter to me again”.
The most shocking aspect was when she presumed their upcoming date would involve sex because she “could do better” than him.
Honesty – the Best Policy
Horace was stunned and spoke to me at length about what had happened and how he should respond. Over their entire conversation his feelings had waned and, although the idea of no strings sex appealed, it wasn’t what he wanted. The next day he contacted Deidre and explained that maybe she wasn’t in the right place to be dating and certainly not to be dating him. It was Deidre’s turn to be surprised, although not particularly bothered.
Maybe she couldn’t remember what she’d said in her alcohol fuelled state or maybe she was just unsure what the problem was. After all, she was of the opinion she was out of Horace’s league so why wouldn’t he want her? Had Deidre been honest at the start then it would have saved Horace a lot of time and energy.
Casual Sex and Condoms too
But this section of the A to Z isn’t just about casual sex, condoms are a feature too. Whatever your “thing” is, whether casual sex or sex in a relationship, always use a condom. I’m not going to beat about the bush, I’m sure your Tinder date will beat your bush a lot better than I can!
At the end of 2015, doctors were suggesting that dating apps were causing an increase in the rates of sexually transmitted diseases. I’m sure we could debate this endlessly but, ultimately, people have unprotected sex with people they meet and nowadays they often meet via online dating. Save yourself some awkward trips to the STI clinic and use a condom. You don’t know where the person you’re sleeping with has been, no matter what they tell you. It takes ages to get to know someone and people do lie, as I’ve already proved.
So wrap it up or make sure he does because the consequences aren’t pretty. Googling pictures of STIs will convince you of just how ugly it can get.