I don’t think you’ll guess…
After the many guys I’ve chatted with and the dates I’ve been on I thought I’d put my knowledge to good use by sharing it with others. As you may have already realised, my style is very much tongue-in-cheek. It’s safe to say I’m not a relationship guru, so if you’re hoping that by the end of reading these blog posts you’ll be magically married and ready to pop a baby out then you should probably look elsewhere. But if you want a bit of a giggle at real life stories while learning some of the things to watch out for online then keep reading.
While all these stories are based on real life events I’ve changed the names of the men and women involved. For the occasional story, some of the details and the gender of the people involved has been changed too. I’ve done it to protect the innocent and the guilty and in some cases give a little chuckle too.
Enjoy the stories and heed the advice, if it’s relevant. It might result in you looking at all the people you see on the street in a completely new way.
A is for Anal and other preferences
I don’t want to start our reader/writer friendship in a bad place but there’s something I need to tell you, something I can’t hide for much longer. There is something you should know and it may ruin what we’re already working on here…
The thing is, can I really say it…?
I guess I have to tell you that my name is Rebecca and I am…
…someone who doesn’t understand what’s so great about anal.
I know many people, men and women, love it. I get told about it often and even cajoled (unsuccessfully) into trying it. One guy even suggested starting me off with a finger. Thankfully he kept his fingers to himself. Personally, when it comes to that preference, I don’t get it.
But the one thing we have to accept is that everyone has their own preferences. And the ecstasy or abject terror that goes with internet dating is that we’re opening our metaphorical and sometimes literal door to those preferences. This door might reveal a horny bugger who will happily stick it in the usual holes or a woman who will want her areas caressed before you get close. It might also mean meeting those who have a thing for the slightly more unusual.
What are Preferences?
If we’re willing to discover the joys and mysteries of internet dating, especially the more unusual sites, then we’ll hear from some of life’s crazy creatures. The beauty of chatting to such a range of people is that we may discover ‘preferences’ we didn’t know we had. And suddenly we’re opening our world to a new and exciting chapter of our lives.
Note to reader – you may be wondering why I keep saying preferences when I could easily be using the word fetishes. When it comes to preferences it can cover everything from kissing in the ear to wearing a collar and being led around the garden. In Ancient Rome giving fellatio, i.e. performing oral sex on someone was abhorrent. Nowadays, that is probably as tame as sex can get. Is oral sex a fetish? I have friends who think oral is not their thing and a pretty disgusting act whereas others find it mundane. So what is a preference to one person can be the work of the devil to another and a normal part of the day to someone else. Fetish seems to be associated with judgement and so I’m going with preference. It’s up to you how you see it.
What About Spanking?
My internet dating life has brought me into contact with a variety of guys with a massive range of preferences. I know what I like but it doesn’t stop others trying to convince me I’m weird. One example was a guy called Bob Ajob, who didn’t get past the texting stage. We had a message conversation that went something like:
Bob: So what turns you on?
Me: Different things, it depends on the situation, location, etc.
Bob: What about spanking?
Me: Doesn’t really do it for me to be honest.
Bob: I’ve never met a woman who doesn’t like to be spanked.
(At this point I spend a couple of moments questioning my preferences. Am I weird, am I the only woman in the world who doesn’t like being spanked, is there something wrong with me?)
Me: You’re joking, right?
Bob: No, every woman loves it. Every woman I’ve ever met. I can’t believe you’re not into it.
We’re All Unique
We’re getting to know people, putting a bit of ourselves out there and as a result we may end up questioning what we think we know. Every individual is unique and as a result into different things. There might be potentials out there that make phone sex sound like the most appealing thing you can do with your mouth… well, maybe the second most appealing thing. For some women it can be a fulfilling experience that utilises a verbal dexterity that has you coming in seconds. Apparently, Irish accents are particularly enlightening, especially when coupled with intelligent linguistic ability. Other potentials may say that unless you’ve been urinated on during foreplay then you haven’t lived.
Basically, anything can be preference. I’ve had conversations on role play, locations, positions, what they wanted to watch me do and how stiletto heels and wet look leggings should be my only clothing option! As it happens, I don’t look like Rihanna in that ensemble. Instead I look like a freak on stilts wearing a pair of shiny, skin tight bin bags that bring out hives. Think Ross in “Friends” wearing leather trousers. Not pretty and certainly not a prequel to any sexy fun.
In the next blog post we’ll continue with the letter A and this idea of preferences and what may be hot for one person will make another person run as far and as fast as they can in the opposite direction.